Monday, November 23, 2015

Going Deep

The picture on the left is called an underwater base jump.  It reminded me of Proverb 20:5 The purpose of a man's heart are deep water, but a man of understanding draws them out.  
Recently our mission held a coaching workshop giving us another tool to Member Care others. Below is the highlights that stood out to me.  

Coaching is an on-going intentional conversation that empowers a person or group to fully live out God's calling.  Keith E. Webb 
In couching, the focus is on the one being coached.  Steve Ogne says, if you are talking, you are not listening. There is a 80/20 percent rule in couching.   The coachee talks the most, they create their own action plans, they set the agenda.  Listening is of great value to the coachee and a wonderful gift to give.  Another great part of coaching is its about the person not the problem, I love this point.  

"I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance n the saint, and His in comparable great power for us who believe."  Ephesians 1:18-19  A coach can help others see what God has already put inside them.

A coach provides the process not the content.  A great question to ask is, "what result would you like to take away from our conversation?  Three times the Gospels record Jesus asking people what they want.  Amazing He has so much to offer, so much insight to their real needs, yet He allows these people to lead the conversation according to how they perceive their own needs or interest. 

Powerful questions come from profound listening and engagement with a person.  What makes a question powerful is it's ability to provoke reflection in the other person. This is where I would like to park and give some of the things I learned and still learning  

1. The question "Why" is difficult to answer because it may force judgments that are premature to the conversation. It is also backward-looking, while we want to be forward-looking. 
2. A closed question is one that can be answered "yes" or "no". 
3.  Open questions require coachees to reflect and to express their thoughts verbally. 
4. Directive questions guide the coachee in a specific direction or to evaluate a specific solution.  5. Emotions questions will give the coachee insight into their behavior, motivations, and plans.  
6. Facts questions answer the who, what, where, when, etc. Be careful not to interrogate!
7. Permission questions create openness by giving the coachee a choice before asking the question.  
8. Pure questions that are neutral and come from a non-judgmental heart. Questions that are judgmental or negative tear down and dis-empower rather than motivate and inspire others.(these are all discussed in more detail in a workshop or in the book)

Like all new tools  you must use it over and over to perfect it.  You can cut your finger off with a power hand saw if you do not practice carefully. Same goes for coaching, counseling, or mentoring, it takes practice to not wound someone with a questions.  The fear of hurting someone instead of helping can drive me to step back and not take the plunge into the deep, the unknown.  But it can also drive me to use caution and humility.   I can trust the Holy Spirit to bring understanding for every encounter I have. 

Most of this post is taken from the book, The Coaching Workshop by Keith E. Webb.  If using couching as a method to help others interest you,  it"s easy to find a web workshop on the internet.   At this point I am coaching one young lady by phone and my husband and I are coaching  a young couple on a weekly basis at their home,  so God is helping us put into practice the things we have learned and still learning.   

"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, but let us encourage one another ---and all the more as you see the day approaching."Hebrew 10:24-25