Sunday, November 4, 2012
Thankfulness in divorce...
Several years have passed since my son and I made this little clip. He had not even been married a year or given us any grandchildren yet. Life brings us lots of things to not be thankful for and when it does you have to look deep for something or you will drown in your sorrow. This last year has been one of those deep years for since that clip our son is a divorced father with two children. God has moved us to live very close to Jared, we actually share a condo in order for us to help him put his life back together and he helps us financially to afford California living. I am sure there are people who would say, you are just helping him be divorced...I would have been one of those people at one time. And if I don't go deep I could still be one. I hate divorce for it destroys lives but so does homes where hatred, bitterness, anger, adultery, indifference, selfishness and all other sin reigns.
When we first knew trouble was brewing in the marriage we of course prayed, used the Bible as a means to get him to get it together, sent books, DVD, gave advice, cried more tears then I like to remember. I enlisted tons of others to pray, sought advice from others who hurt for their son or daughter and especially the grandchildren involved in divorce. One thing we learned is we all go through the divorce, it's not just the husband and wife, the ripple affects are wide.
Another thing we learned was don't take sides. I failed miserably on that one at times...I wanted our son to act like a man, stick with the marriage for the sake of the children even though I understood perfectly why he wanted a divorce. My plea was for the children sake...so I was deeply angry at our son for...well for not being stronger I guess. Of course this affected our relationship and made me hard to live with at times. Now I believe in the process of forgiveness and I started putting it into action, being thankful for the good that was still there and the good coming out of a hurtful situation. The more I gave thanks the more good I saw which only made me more thankful.
To watch our son love on his children when he has them is priceless, he is a good Dad, a loving Dad, a careful Dad, an encouraging Dad. Listening to his plans to get out of debt and then actually see him take sacrificial step to get there is very encouraging...he is almost there. Hearing our son speak words of gratefulness to us for being here for him, for being here for his kids has erased all anger I had. Living together has been both a help and a good learning time for all of us. In fact I get a little sad knowing he will soon get his own place yet I am proud his good work ethic will pay off. We have spend years working all over the world and in the states to help others and it was wonderful knowing God considered Jared part of the others.
Another thing I have learned is when I begin to thank God, my hope level begin to rise and as it rose I found I could rest in the little things God was doing to draw our son back to Him. It's God job to draw Jared back to Him, not my husband and I. Our part is to show grace, love, patience and acceptance.
One more thing I learned, I needed to accept this divorce for rejecting it would only keep me angry. It is what it is, a hurtful thing but never so hurtful that God can't heal that hurt.
As I re-read what I wrote I realized I have been very personal and put our actions out there to be judge. Go ahead and judge if you must...if a divorce happens to someone you love and I pray God it doesn't, you will find your own way to deal with it. My husband and I have chosen to love all parties involved in this divorce. I have not changed my mind on divorce but my mind has been broaden as a result of it. My heart has been enlarged by it too...there is more room to forgive, more room to accept, more room to love abundantly and more room for Jesus to live in.
I have on purpose chosen not to post scriptures on the subject of divorce because it happens to the saved and unsaved. What I hope happens if you read this post is you see the grace that has covered us during this time of our life.
Maybe you are going through something hard like a divorce or have been through one. I would love to hear how you got through it. What pearls of thankfulness can you share, what gems of wisdom hasGod taught you? What brought you hope?
One more note...Jared has approved this post.