Why

 Thank you all for praying for my nephew's family.   All deaths are hard to navigate through but not all leave us with hundreds of questions. When my mother died, I did not ask why, she was 89 and her dress of flesh had seen it's better days.  She was ready to take it off and put on her robe of white which made it easier for us to let her go.

But suicide takes on a different color, it goes deeper than the deepest darkest blue and leaves the mind totally unable to retain a clear sweet thought.   Just the word,  "suicide" brings a shudder to our hearts.  My nephew wife, Amber,  was able, only by the grace of God, to read something she wrote about Lee.  She told about their love, his love of being in law enforcement, his love for his children, hunting and even his love for God. In a couple of place there was laughter as she recalled some humorous memory.  Then she spoke the most powerful words I have ever heard.  Words that can start the healing and stop the questions from nagging the mind.  She ask us not to let Lee's last decision define him.  He was so much more. 

Lee's pastor built on that message.  Reminding us that there was a million great decisions before the last one.  Lee was in deep depression caused by a number of sources especially the enemy of his soul.  Losing his job in law enforcement probably caused the first decline in his mental health, then their marriage took a hit and for a few years he had been struggling with constant pain from a wreck.  His hope that things would go back to how it use to be decreased on a daily bases.  Hope deferred makes the heart sick the bible says and sometimes the lack of hope screams louder than any other voices. 

  Irvin Berlin said, the song has ended but the melody lingers. 

   Lee's song has ended but for those of us left behind we can choose to remember his last decision or let the melody of his life linger in our hearts and hum  that melody to each other. 

Philippians 4:8 Finally , brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.