Do you ever feel like dropping out of everything and just doing nothing, no cleaning, cooking, going anywhere, talking to anyone, no going to church, bible study, shopping, eating out, meeting with a friend, ETC?
I don't get that way often, thank God, but actually it's gotten more often in the last few years. A few days ago I talked to a friend about some of my feelings, she suggest seeing a doctor which I thought was good advice.
Tod
ay I walked into my doctor office determined to be so honest and raw since I always say I am fine when ask. Which is so dumb cause who goes to the doctor when they are fine?
ay I walked into my doctor office determined to be so honest and raw since I always say I am fine when ask. Which is so dumb cause who goes to the doctor when they are fine?
Since I have come this far I need to put a middle to this so you won't start wondering what terrible thing has happened to Betty. I do have some family that have some serious illnesses. I do have friends who are struggling with illness, heartaches over children, marriage issues. In fact, as I think about it, most folks I know have something going on in their life that could make them feel like, 'dropping out." And by "dropping out", I don't mean doing any harm to myself but just not being bothered by life. But I don't often feel this way. So when I do, I know it's time for some deep soul searching.
If I could put one word to where I am right now, it would be aging. I hate even spelling the word...but I hate worst what it means to me or has done to me personally. Woe is me, the victim of aging. I hate that look I get from the doctor right before she says, things change as you age, she is 40 years younger than me. Or that look my husband gives me when I cannot for the life of me remember something or fell again, or don't move as fast as I use to. It's that, nursing home look or tone which he coined because its the reason we no longer serve overseas. At that time it was him everyone was using that tone with. Now it's me...I hate it. I hate aging. I know we are not suppose to use the word "hate" but dislike does not match my feelings right now. Maybe by the end of this post I can get back to that kinder word.
Just gonna throw this next paragraph in to give more understanding to my context of this post.
Just gonna throw this next paragraph in to give more understanding to my context of this post.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT DYING. "YES, I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING JESUS FACE TO FACE, YES, I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING FAMILY AND FRIENDS, YES, I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO NO MORE SIN. LET ME SAY IT AGAIN, THIS IS NOT ABOUT DYING, IT'S ABOUT LIVING WITH LIMITATIONS".
In Philippians 1:6 Paul say, I am confident of this very thing, that He, who begun a good work in you, (me ) will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. I find a lot of feeling wrapped up in this verse. When I was younger, say about 8 years ago I felt excitement at starting new stuff, doing old stuff, just plan doing anything the Lord wanted. And 8 years ago I could pretty much do anything or at least felt like I could. I have lost that excitement about change I know the Lord is bringing into our lives which is brought about by "aging".
Today I read part of a sermon on Phil. 1:6 which stirred my depressed heart.
God always finishes what He starts. We, on the other hand, do not always finish what we start. Our lives are often filled with loose ends—home improvement tasks begun but not finished, books begun but not finished, promises made but not kept, intentions begun but not followed through on. Our lives are often replete with would-have-beens, should-have-beens, and could-have-beens.
God’s work of salvation does not depend on whether or not you hold onto your faith; it depends on the fact that even if you can’t hold onto your faith, He never stops holding onto you. That’s why Paul wrote to the Thessalonians: “May the God of peace himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be kept sound and blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do this” (I Thessalonians 5:23
I turn to music often when I am struggling. Today I found the song that fit the Lord's heart in me. And nobody can sing it like Mahalia Jackson.
Lord don't move the mountain
But give me strength to climb
Lord don't move my stumbling block
But lead me around
You didn't say, Lord, that it would be easy
For when our tribulations get too light
We tend to stray from Thee
Have mercy
Lord don't move the mountain
But give me strength to climb
Lord don't move my stumbling block
But lead me around
After listening to this about 10 times I can say without a doubt I don't hate aging, I do dislike it, but no hate. This day is almost over and I am one day closer to seeing the one who is finishing His work in me on a daily bases.
Got a mountain you want moved?
Thank you, Betty, for your raw honesty. I can surely identify. It could have been me who wrote this post. Until someone is Medicare-age and above and their bodies start to betray them, no one can understand the different emotions that arise. Since moving to NC, my life has become so sedentary. I am nowhere near as active as my life before NC. And I feel as if my body is aging so quickly now. There are days I do "drop out". More days than is probably good for me. But, the wonderful part about it all is that I am "one day closer" to meeting My Jesus face-to-Face. Oh, the Glory of shedding this worn out body and stepping into the timeless reality that awaits us! Thank you, precious friend for your vulnerability to write on this subject. I love you, Betty!
ReplyDeleteOh, my sweet sweet Diane, how badly I want to make our meeting work. There is so much I have saved up in my heart to talk to you about. What are your thoughts on us meeting up, what week of April works best for you, first, second, third? What are you thoughts. Ace would probably not be comfortable with me driving by myself but I could find a cheap flight to where you live I am sure.
ReplyDeleteAlso, thank you for your encouraging words on my post. It's been a draft for a while, just could not sort it out in my mind how to say my thoughts. There are times I start out with a great thought and before I know it, it went somewhere. Or Ace will tell me something and then the next thing happens and it's gone. I cannot explain what is all happening but I know one thing, aging and the meds I take are part of it. Stress of a change coming in our life hits everyday because we tend to talk one thing one day, then another thing another day. Nothing is sure right now. So I do ask for prayer that I just lend in heavily on trusting Him to figure it all out so I can enjoy my days. I know you understand all this. I look forward to hearing first hand how all the in and outs of all that took place and probably still is from your divorce. It's worst then death, or maybe a death of a different kind. Again, thank you for the encouraging thoughts.
At 67 I know I cannot function the way I once did. it seems like just yesterday i was riding my bike every day. Now it is about every other day due to the need to recover. :) But i am so excited about the future and what God has for me. i don't relish aging at all but I also want to keep growing and changing. Growing in my faith and changing into His likeness. I am not fond of aging but I have embraced it and will go with it. I want my life to be an adventure until my last breath.
ReplyDeleteWe are in the "use to " phase of life too. I am gaining a little excitement back since I posted this. My heart just could not write something glowing right now unless I wrote a one word post, God is good all the time. I want to go out singing with my last breathe. I have had enough adventure for three life times.
DeleteBetty, this is Joy(Taylor) Keyes. Do you remember me. Don is no longer here. I remarried. We were students for 2 years,about 35 or 40 years ago. I've been married to Floyd Keyes now for 29 years.
DeleteJoy, we you say students are you meaning at Victory Baptist Bible School? Ace remembers you but we have been students at several schools so wondering which one it is. Please connect more, give me some more information.
DeleteYes,it was at Victory. I lived across the street,down the block a little, in the elderly ladies basement. Before we left after graduation you and I got together, we went to a park and I gave you a book of poems. You asked me if we would see each other again and I said pro baby not. Do you remember? Who knew we would have the technology we have know. And girl what happened to the red hair. My phone number 309 346 5499 I live in Pekin,Il. We're 4 hrs.ahead of your Time.
DeleteHi Betty, this is Joy again. I'm not very good on this computer stuff. I just got me a descent phone and joined facebook in Jan. I just have been thinking about I felt like God wanted me to try searching for you. I found a Betty with Ace and your kids. When we were their at your house Jared had just starting walking. I read about your missionary work. God's done a wonderful work through you! Please give me a call. I posted my number on my last blog
DeleteAs the old saying goes, Betty, getting old is not for sissies. It is difficult for us to accept the inevitable limitations that aging brings on, but knowing that God will give us strength to climb the mountain is everything we need to bear in mind and make it through. Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteBlessings!
I realized it not all aging it's trials during the aging process too. My doctor was telling me that some of the meds I take for my heart is one of the problems because of my age. A younger person could take it and not have the same affect. Our metabolism changes as we age so everything that comes into our body is affected by that. No matter, frailness comes to all if they live long enough and show us how much of a sissy we are. It feels like a mountain often anymore, I just don't jump for joy at climbing one. Use to be a challenge and I think God still has a few more challenges for us ahead. I too want to grow so I withdraw my prayer asking God to remove my mountain. We hear this a lot, "you guys have not retired yet". Not yet but we have slowed down, rest more often, take life slower. Thanks Martha for the prayers.
DeleteI'll be honest... looking at 45 this year... I don't feel I have the "right" to contribute to a failing body... Most of my issues are related to my own doing at the moment... Checking out, however, I understand. When life is hitting us from all angles, I get it. I just want to find a closed room where I can be left alone. I want to step out of the activities, the functions, the fellowship...
ReplyDeleteI want to remove myself from social interaction because I don't want to have to put on a face and pretend everything is ok... and lets be honest, not everyone that asks really cares anyway...
That being said, I am glad it sounds as if you are doing better...My prayers are with all my friends on here, thanks for listening... and caring.
Ryan you have captured the very heart of my post. Age is not the issue, checking out is. There is a phrase I read recently that makes sense, compassion fatigue. It sounds nicer then, dropping out, our burn out which is said often when one takes a step away from everything. It happens a lot to missionaries, people in full time ministry who are think they have to pretend everything is ok. Care givers get compassion fatigue easily. I kind of liked that word when I read it because burn out or getting older can be so misunderstood. I think I am going to write a post about later on. Thanks for your comment.
DeleteAmazing post that started saying "Maybe by the end of this post I can get back to that kinder word." And get to that kinder word you did! More than that, by the end of the post you didn't fear the mountain anymore! Victorious!
ReplyDeleteWriting helps me a lot especially when I am down about something. I so appreciate the people who read my post especially when they are one like this. They can take my honesty without preaching to me about trusting the Lord. there is a lot going on in our life right now, not bad things, just life is happening. Thanks you dear blog sister for seeing my heart, yes I don't fear the mountain anymore. Yes, today I am walking in victory. Bless you.
DeleteThank you for sharing with such honesty—and for pointing to the One who gives us the strength to keep climbing! Blessings to you! 🤗Stopping by from #raralinkup
ReplyDeleteLaura, thanks for visiting my site. Glad my honesty did not keep you from commenting. God allow you to see that He is still working on me just as He is everyone else. Blessings
DeleteI actually got a kick out of this post Betty. All too often I find myself "checking out" for a few days. It happened this past month when the trials of this life had me down.
ReplyDeleteBut then I remember the story of Moses... He never got the chance to "check out" until the very end.
Lord I want to be like Moses sometimes!
As we speak I am having some stomach issues. But I am not ready to "check out" because of them. I knew that entering my 50s wasn't going to be a lovely field trip, but this is ridiculous!
However, if this is the road that we must walk, then we gotta do it with confidence and purpose!
Confidence and purpose...great combination. I think that is how Moses made it. His confidence was in God and His purpose was to do His will. For years my low times were few and did not last long but as I said, this aging business puts a difference spin on things. I am thankful to have lived to73, thankful for the many things God has allow me to do and people He has brought my way. Can't express my appreciation of my blog friends. It's been a refreshing relationship and a spiritual one. Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I cry, sometimes I grow, sometimes I get out of a pit just by reading the words you all write. Praying for your stomach issues. Right now my legs and ankles and feet are swelled again. They tested me for congestive heart failure, praise God my heart is doing pretty good. Need a few more test in the future but for now I will just added one more water pill to my daily meds and be thankful I like in a country with good medical help. Thanks for commenting Ed.
ReplyDeleteIt surely is no fun to see ourselves unable to do the things we used to and my husband and I often wonder how we got to this point so fast! We are just so thankful for every day of life with our dear son and to be as well and young as we are. Growing old sure beats the alternative of dying young. We just have to make the most of each moment we are given. I watched both of my dear parents cross the threshhold into the pull of the next world being greater than the pull to stay here, and I supposed we are all feeling that gradual change as we get older. When we see Jesus, it will be worth it all!
ReplyDeleteAs always Cheryl, you encourage my heart because you have an understanding heart. I love the line, "growing old sure beats the alternative of dying young". Great reminder. I am feeling much better, I have been able to get off of one of my meds that was making me feel worst instead of better. Just took a while to figure it our. As for the changes coming in our life, it really is just daily living stuff for our life. My flesh wants to light in one place and never move again so that's another plus for our move to heaven. But I don't think God is through with us yet. We got last evening from a five day trip up to northern Ca. Four different visits and confirmation we are exactly where God wants us at this time of our life. Blessings
DeleteSorry to hear your in a season of drought, but I cherish your honesty which helps all of those around you, including me. At the gym earlier today I was bummed because I'm to a point in my strength that I thought I'd be at. The upside is that this physical world means little... it's all about our Spirit and He who resides in us. That's the One thing that can keep getting better with age.
ReplyDeleteOf course it's not coincidence... He is amazing. Keep running the good race, sister. You're helping some of us keep at it with your honest and encouraging words
Thanks Floyd whose face I see clearly now, thanks for the encouragement. I miss going to the pool at the Y when we are gone. I leave tomorrow for a Ladies conference so it will be Monday before I can get back into my regular workout routine. I am not losing weight from it but I know it makes me stronger and able to handle my day better. Good for you on your
Deleteexercise program. Paul and the disciples never had to have a workout program, they walked everywhere. Different world now, I am thankful for the YMCA and all they offer. Blessings
So glad you are able to comment on my site. I have switch totally to WordPress, just need to leave a reminder to where I have moved to on my blogspot. Something Ace did must have helped you be able to post your comment. I finally dropped my pride and ask Ace to help me, he does not blog but he is great at following instructions. I get the first part, the last and lose what they said in the middle. Blessings.
DeleteThank you for writing this honest post, Betty! It is frustrating when age keeps me from accomplishing all I want to do. Looks like I'm in good company.
ReplyDeleteYep there is a few of us frustrated souls out there that are living with limitations. I know as sure as I know my name God is still chipping away the rough place in me through this aging business. I always said I want to age gracefully but then I hit a rough place and my mind focus on the roughness, grace takes a step back. I feel like I am in good company too...
DeleteOh yes, aging has hit me hard this year. I'm trying to keep an eye out on God's invitations to me in the midst of it all.
ReplyDeleteTrusting in Him, one day at a time. And I guess that's what His heart's desire is for us ...
I hope today finds you well, friend ...
Dear Linda, I feel your heart. It's one thing to talk about aging till it hits hard. Aging slowing usually happens without much pain and limitations but when it hits hard..wow...it feels like a downhill slide. I remember thinking as I watch the last nine days of my mother life how dying is a process like being born. WE start out not being able to do anything and unless we are go early we end not being able to do anything. This the fall caused and the only way to get out of it is to finally die so we can live again without any aging. Some may think those are dark thoughts but for a Christian they are light thoughts, all ends well.
DeleteI tried to post on this one before too. It did work on the last one! The one about our meeting!
ReplyDeleteI too appreciate your honesty. None of us can move from where we are without admitting we are there. And we all get there to one degree or another.
It is in our limitations and age we come up with the wisdom to find His sovereignty and grace. Mountains or valleys, the only way to navigate them surely and safely is with Him as our guide.
Yep, it takes all to grow close to Him...to grow more like Him. Though my outer man will die, the inner man will live on for eternity which is why we must live for the inner man. It's the process of living between birth and death and then the supernatural takes over...this is only for a brief second.
Delete