NOW

 

Today I was reading some of my old post and thought if I could go back, I would use the phrase, " where we live "NOW" emphasis on "NOW". It fits much better than just writing or saying, "where we live".

I do believe there are some who have not kept up with us who still think we are serving in Bolivia, South America, or in Papua New Guinea. 

"NOW", we reside in northern Minnesota, next door to our daughter and family.  It's the place I would never want to live because of the winters, but circumstances change all the time.  And we are grateful for the little place they fixed up for us, it's cozy and warm in these long cold winters.  We are also grateful for the great relationship we have with our daughter and her husband.  

• “Don’t get caught up in thinking about the past or the future—live in the now!”
• “Be present in your own life.”
• “All you have is this moment. Don’t let it slip away.”
• “Life becomes more meaningful when you realize the simple fact that you’ll never get the same moment twice.”
• “Life is available only in the present moment. If you abandon the present moment you cannot live the moments of your daily life deeply.”

 

I like all those quotes above, but I find more power to live in the present from a Bible verse that I am sure most of you know.  I have been quoting it a lot lately because I found myself stuck in thinking about the past.  This verse is an action verse, because thinking is mental action, and I choose what I think on every day.  It requires me to on purpose change my thinking on my now.  

Philippians 4:8-9 ESV 

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

Are you living in your past, future or present?  

Therapy

 

Signs of one's childhood trauma can continue to manifest well into adulthood.

Kids create an internal map of how the world is based on the trauma they experience.

But if the map never changes, it affects adult functioning.

When children try to change themselves to be loved by a parent, they lose touch with who they really are.

For me, the desire to be rid of the emotions that came from growing up in an abusive home was always there. So, I took things into my own hands, marrying at 17 and that got me out of the abuse in the home.

I had buried deep what went on in our home, never talked about it even with my best friend, even the man I married at first. Later as I begin to open up, I came to realize because he came from a dysfunctional home he could not help me. So, for years I just kept quiet about my thoughts and struggles, until our marriage was struggling. This caused me to be a seeker of help through books and at 30 I bought a bible and started reading it. Without the Holy Spirit living in me I did not understand much. One thing though that was clear, I was a sinner in need of a Savior.

It took four, almost five years and the birth of our daughter, and some faithful people from a church inviting us to church before I heard the gospel plain enough to respond to it.

Being a new creature in Christ is mind blowing. Most of what I could not understand became clear, the sky was bluer, the sun was brighter, and I wanted to follow this Jesus I had put my trust in. And He wanted me to grow and that would mean hardship at times, memories that hard to recall, but Jesus was long suffering and grew me slowly into understanding fully what His forgiveness of my sins meant in a practical sense. Here is the kicker, those hurtful memories will never go away. Someone ask me one time after I gave my testimony. How long did it take to really forgive your dad? I replied, every time I thought about Him. In all my childhood I had one good memory of him.

Forgiveness is something you have to continue to do every time the hurt comes to mind, especially if it stick around to wreak your present-day life. Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future. Lewis B. Smedes

What I am learning as a 77-year-old child of God is, PTSD was already grounds for other hurts to affect me. Several health issue that renders me helpless brought a different look at the anxiety that riddles my body at times. I had anxiety attack as a child which left me helpless and in pain. It came from the fear that gripped my heart when I had to come in from playing or from visiting a friend. I tried to stay away from my dad as long as I could.

I write about this because it helps me, in hopes anyone else who has struggles with forgiveness or dealing with hurtful memories will have some comfort that they are not alone. I am getting some therapy to help me deal with the deepness of past hurts. So thankful to the Lord that my therapist is a Christian.

The journey is never over till it is over, till death due us part. Just as I am thankful for my heart and kidney doctors, I am just as thankful for therapists, counselors, couches and all those who want to help those who are struggling. Most of all I am thankful for a God who designed our body, our mind and those He raises up to treat us on our journey. It's a good journey, one that has hope built into it when we know the Lord. I am feeling very hopeful at this stage of the journey.   

Bold as a Lion 

Today I heard one of the best messages on Roman 3:21-26. Our pastor started in Proverbs 28:1 The wicked flee when no one is pursuing, but the righteous are bold as a Lion.

The righteous are us who are believers. Yet often I have not felt bold, and I am 100 percent extrovert too. I realized after I had been saved that I could not depend on my extrovert personality when it came to speaking up for Jesus. Before my salvation the devil was not my enemy, at least I did not know any different. The enemy of my soul, first of all used fear of making a mistake to keep me from witnessing. I begin to pray for discernment and wisdom so I would know when to witness. This is the Holy Spirit role in our new life with Christ.

I am still amazed how easy it is to talk to a stranger or someone you know about anything and everything ,but as soon as the name of Jesus comes out my mouth, the enemy is right there, but so is the Spirit of God. In fact I think the Spirit speaks first and prompts us to speak about Jesus and then fear of offending, or not getting it right hits. Thats the devil, he and he alone speaks fear into our soul. The Holy Spirit never ever speaks fear to a heart bought by the blood of Jesus. He will speak caution, discernment, wisdom and truth, bring scriptures to remembrance.

So how do we get to be bold for Jesus? The very same way we got saved, trusting in Jesus for salvation and the boldness to witness with the same trust. The church I got saved had a Thursday night soul winning night. Two people would go out and visit home, one did the speaking and the other prayed. I had great teachers and I ask them; do you ever get over being nervous? Not really, they said, but the more you do it the fear will leave. Fear is not of the Lord, nervous is just a human emotion that can be used to better equip ourselves for what-ever task He has called us to do.

You might say, like I did for a while, I don't feel the boldness of a Lion. Forget your feelings, turn your heart toward Jesus the one who died for you, not the liar who brings fear and worry. Jesus did it all, life is in Christ. Cast your feelings of fear and thinking you do not know enough to talk to anyone about Jesus. aside and step out for Him.

A couple of lines from this morning sermon which moved my heart.

Make Jesus BIG.

Make me small.

Jesus is our boldness-whatever we lack, He is.