Sunday, April 14, 2019

Once Again God

Emoticon, Emoji, Angry, Cartoon, EmotionOnce again, I had to deal with the anger that resides inside me. Once again, after my anger was spent by unloading on someone I love,  I had to deal with the guilt for allowing myself to explode.  Once again, I fell before the Lord asking Him to help me with my anger.

Thank God,  He is a,  "once again" God, for His forgiveness was there, ready for me to accept it and open myself up for learning more about the root of this anger I deal with.

It would be easier to write about all the wrong that has been done to me and get you on my side.  I have a friend that I don't  open up to much because she tend to remind me I have been through a lot as if I deserve to feel the way I do.  That kind of reasoning is no help if I want to be like Jesus. He was never self righteous.  To be honest that is exactly what is the root of my anger.

I was always applauded at the story  in Matthew 18 about the unmerciful servant, a guy who owed the king millions of dollars. The king orders him to be sold with his wife and kids and everything he owns, to pay back his debt.

The servant pleads with the king and the king has pity and lets him go, debt free.

What came next is what angers me.  This servant in turns will not forgive someone else  who owed  him money.  It was a small amount of money owed to him and he had just been forgiven a huge debt he owed by the king.

 Peter ask Jesus, how many times do we need to forgive, would seven times be enough?

Brant Hansen who wrote the book, Un-Offendable tells it this way,  "Jesus says to Peter,   not even close, and then lets us know that, before God, we are in far deeper debt that anyone needing forgiveness from us. In that story, we are not, "just guilty" as the one whom we need to forgive.  We're worse.

The quote continues, If I get to determine whether my anger is righteous or not, I'm in trouble. So are you. The reason: we can't trust ourselves.

Trusting in yourself sounds like a perfectly normal things to do.  Problem is, for the believer, it isn't biblical at all.  We are deceptive to the core.  Jer. 17:9 ESV, The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately sick: who can understand it?  

End of quote: My thoughts:  When self righteous is reigning we are not trusting God, We are afraid he will not mete out justice, that people won't get what they deserve.

Hansen quotes: So perhaps our entitlement to anger is our little way of making sure some measure of justice is served.

Jesus wants to disrupt this kind of thinking.  Remember the women caught in adulteress, how the men wanted to stone her. I mean, she was guilty,  and they believed, no doubt, they were doing the right thing. they were carrying out God's justice, they thought. I love the way Hansen paraphrases what Jesus said to them,  "You can't do this, because you're all just as guilty. Every single one of you.

Another Hanson quote, Anger makes me think I have a right to hold the stone. I may not throw it, but I'll hold on to it, since the other person really did do that horrible things.  Jesus flipped their story upside down. And since He wants to do this for us, I say we let Him.  When you do, you'll find you have no standing to hold on to anger, ever.  Truth is, we want Jesus to leave our self righteousness intact.  He wants to smash it.

Well, by now you should have figured out where this post came from.  From the heart of a self righteous women who wants to go deeper with God.  God is opening up doors in my heart that I have let Him in before but as soon as the light got too bright I would shut it again.

Once again, He is answering my prayer and giving me what I ask for.  Take me deep, was my prayer, take me deep.  Good thing He is my life line or I would drown in defeat and guilt.  

I hope you are not one who thinks I am being too hard on myself, trust me I am not.  In no way am I getting what I deserve.  I deserve hell, He bought and paid for heaven. Not only that when I fail here on earth, He does not take His love, forgiveness, strength and so much more away.  

Amen
Amen
Amen



11 comments:

  1. Yes, Betty, Jesus came to take away our self-righteous thoughts and actions. When we find ourselves slipping into anger mode, let us run to Him as fast as we can, for forgiveness and a cleansed heart.
    Blessings!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are always an encouragement Martha, thanks.

      Delete
  2. You know, Betty, I've been seeking a word to describe myself and things I'm battling within me and the word alluded me. But, here on your blog, Abba, brought the word to light. Self-rightheous. Yup, that has been me too. I'll meet you on the floor in front of His Feet. Thank you, for your vulnerability to share yourself. It helped me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I keep saying I forgive a certain issue but when this anger shows itself again I realize it had to be deeper. I sure hope we get to meet up in May. I would love for you to come spend a couple of days with us in Kentucky, oh the conversations we could have. He is still working on us, thank God.

      Delete
  3. God's work in me is a work in progress. I pray He never quits, even though sometimes it hurts for Him to keep at it. Keep trusting Betty. He will being the change you so desperately crave.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks Bill for the encouragement. Conviction only hurts if we don't do anything about it. I love the fact it's not my job to convict others, it's my job to deal with my own log in my eye. There is such peace when I am not being self righteous.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh, how I can relate to your words, my friend. So thankful for God's abundant mercy and never-ending grace that freely flows for all of us. Whew, where would we be without Him? Thank you for your transparent honesty and loving heart, sweet sister.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Cheryl...I have thought of you often this week as I am reading a book about facing our sins that so easily beset us. How we must get to the root of all of them to really get victory over them so we can have peace. Getting to the root is hurtful when God wants to pull it out because the root is all about us and others. The devil went right to the root with Adam and Eve, to self, to like is all about me. I have been in this battle for such a long time with my temper, my anger and just recently seen the root of it. Now I realize no matter how many time I forgive myself there is still at the heart of the matter is self, the old man, the old nature and until Jesus comes to take me home it can still grow back so I must keep putting the blood of Jesus on so it will not rear it's ugly head. and you know sis, it doesn't rear it's head as much as it use to but I know it can if I give my mind to it. So, once again, I am thinking on those things that are lovely and of a good report. Old battle with lots of battle scars and really old truth salve to take it from a wound to a scar. I look so often for confirmation from earthy people instead of Him. Nobody here on earth can promise me they will love every day for I am not loveable everyday, but He can and that is where I have to run back to all the time with anger, to Him, only Him. I am praying for you on this issue of fear and covet your prayers on my issue of anger. Pray it's a fearless day for you.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Replies
    1. Thank you Karen, there is never a time I don't need prayer.

      Delete