Thursday, July 18, 2019

It is enough


My head was full of great plans to do nothing but work on my book.   I knew I would have tons of extra time as we house sit for three weeks for some friends who were  going on a mission trip.  My carry on bag was full of extra paper, pen, pencils, notes from all sort of places just waiting to be polished and written down.  Several pages of, 'helps" from different people who have written books .  Lots of helps transferred to my husband lap top which would be available all day for me.   

 Three whole weeks in Kentucky,  then we headed off to Minnesota where our daughter lives for a month long vacation.  I envisioned sitting in our little RV, drinking green tea, maybe a few home made cookies from my daughter and God flowing words and sentences I had never thought of through my finger tips.  

We are back in California and all the suitcases are unpacked except my carry on still full of all that material I took.  I dread opening it up and pulling out all those resources  and all those blank pieces of paper.

Yes, you read that right, blank, blank, blank.  I did not even take it  out of the carry on...not one piece.  Oh wait, I did take out my bible and a book I brought to read, my devotional and one pencil.

What causes this kind of relapse in  a person?  My intension were good, I prepared for writing, I had the place free of interruptions, well most of the time.  Trust me, I had plenty of time to write but did not add one word to the three chapters I have already written.

  Did I waste a lot of time?  Maybe some, but still there was plenty of time left.  So what was it???   Procrastination, laziness, illness, too much going on,  am I losing interest in writing my book?  I don't think so.  Actually, I really don't feel guilty about not working on my book and I think I can tell you why.  It was not at the top of my list of things to do.  I thought it was until we hug our daughter and family.  All thoughts of my book vanished.

Getting older does make one look through a different perspective on just about every thing.  I do not feel that rushed feeling anymore to keep the same pace I kept in past years.

At the top of my lists is enjoying time with our adult children because they enjoy being with us.  Also the grandchildren tug at my heart to get to know them better.  I feel as if my responsibility has shifted to what is more important for me and them.   In my younger years I would spend too much time on the phone talking to friends  or running yard sell or thrift store shopping.   Oh my children were always there with me but my attention was divided too much.

Fluid is the word I would use to describe how I was feeling during the past couple of months.  Being fluid can mean one who is likely or able to change, adaptable, adjustable, changeable; flexible.  There are a lot more adjectives to describe being fluid but you get my point.

Let me tell you what I did do with my time...hugged our family a lot, said I love you a lot, played games with grandchildren, watched movies with them, cooked for them, did the dishes with them, went shopping a lot with my daughter since I was helping her decorate her freshly painted walls. 

 Went out to eat a lot,  and enjoyed our  oldest grandson, Logan graduation party. Sung some good old southern gospel music three times at churches, met a lot of people they know.  Enjoyed getting to know our daughters in laws, lovely people.  Ave Jo, the youngest grand daughter's cat had kittens a few weeks before we got there so I spend lots of time loving on those kittens.  I''d sit in my RV and yell, Ava Jo, go get Grandma  a baby kitten.  

The oldest grand daughter will be a senior in college and got to spend some quality time with her.  Watched the smile on my husband face as he fix several things needing a man skills. Read the book I brought, heard a good message about my God, got to give counsel to a women who needed to know she was loved.

But...I did not add one word to my book.    I am not sure when I will unpack my carry on full of all the items I took to write from.

“Half of me is filled with bursting words and half of me is painfully shy. I crave solitude yet also crave people. I want to pour life and love into everything yet also nurture my self-care and go gently. I want to live within the rush of primal, intuitive decision, yet also wish to sit and contemplate. This is the messiness of life - that we all carry multitudes, so must sit with the shifts. We are complicated creatures, and ultimately, the balance comes from this understanding. Be water. Flowing, flexible and soft. Subtly powerful and open. Wild and serene. Able to accept all changes, yet still led by the pull of steady tides. It is enough.”

Victoria Erickson 

I know I am led by the pull of a steady tide, or better yet, led by the creator of the steady tide and it is enough. Wise Hearted 

15 comments:

  1. What a great post, Wise-hearted, courageous Betty! I could so relate. I'm so glad you have had this wonderful time with your family making memories. Not just for you but for all of them as well. Your grandchildren will remember these days. You were Jesus to them. I love that you are fluid! I think I've learned to be that as well in these last years. Have a wonderful day.

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    1. Diane, I am sure you can relate after all the trials you have been through. They help us prioritize our life as we go through them. I always feel like God is knocking off some more sharp places on me so I won't stick someone else. You have had a total life change, and yet you still praise Him. I was thinking how good the Lord is today, not because of anything special He has done for me. Then I took a deep breath and bingo...there was His goodness, I can still breathe even though nothing has changed today except I am a day older. Love my blog friend.

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  2. You made the right choices while visiting family, Betty. Those are precious moments and memories. The book will keep, and the time will arrive to write it.
    Blessings to you!

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    1. I am assure of it Martha and who should know more then you as you write books. By the way, our grand daughter is re-reading your books and has passed some on to her friends. She won something at school for the most words read this past year. She is the one with the kitties. We call her the cat whisperer. She has four adult cats, the lowest she has had. the youngest one had the babies. One died in birth so she was left with four. While we were there they got big enough to climb out of their box outside explore. Two were playing in a wheel well of a car and were thrown out, one died, the other one had to be put down it was hurting, too many bones broken. It was such a hard time but she did well. Now with two left she is super protective. The manna cat is taking them hunting and it's so cute seeing them follow her and all of them come back with mice in their mouth. They are outside cats because two in the family are allergic to them. She his learning lots of lessons from her cats. In fact I think that helped her decide to go to camp this year. She said she believed God wanted her to go. From the mouth of babes. You are a shinning light Martha in the written word. Blessings.

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  3. Sometimes things more important take precedence over what we think is. Spending time with family and doing what relaxing is all about is worth it. You will never get those moments back...ever. I think you chose wisely.

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    1. I came back to California refreshed spiritually. Good thing too because my health is slipping a little. I had to go to urgent care the day we got back, having trouble breathing, etc. the doctor think I am in congestive heart failure but will have further test soon to really see what is going on. Thank God it was not a blood clot causing the issues. such is life in a frail body outside but strong Spirit inside.

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  4. I absolutely think you made the right choice, sweet friend. Time is so precious, and you are LIVING out your story with those you love. There will be time when you are away from them to write all about it, but I believe you did the right thing by leaving the writing for times like those. Your loved ones will remember their times with you and cherish those memories forever. Many blessings to you, my friend. :)

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    1. Yep, I was living out my story wasn't I? It was profitable weeks. My husband got tons of stuff done for our daughter and son in law who works a lot. We actually wished we had another week to get a couple things done that he started. But ministry calls us and we only had four weeks vacations. Lots of missionaries home this summer for we have a lot more traveling to do as the week pass. I read an article about adult children and grand children spending time with parents and grand parents and it would help them live longer. I can attest to that, I was so refreshed as I was there, my daughter spoiled me and I love it. Blessings to you also.

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  5. I love the freedom we have to make plans ... and then to let them go to embrace something more urgent or delightful or worthwhile.

    A lovely post indeed!

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    1. That is the word Linda, freedom, its getting better as I age. Age may dim our physical eyes but our spiritual eyes are getting clearer. thanks Linda for the encouragement.

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  6. I love that you had your priorities straight. Too many time I choose productivity over just being. Thank you fro sharing with Grace and Truth Link-Up.

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    1. Thanks Maree for commenting on my post, it's encouraging. Love your Grace and Truth Link-Up, a good way to connect with new bloggers.

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  7. So wonderful to meet you here and to get to know you better. Thank you for visiting my blog today, "Closed Doors, Open Windows". We have some things in common...frequent moves (for ministry purposes as God would lead) and the desire to write a book and just can't seem to do it...But let me say here that your blog posts are a wonderful book in themselves, and I have decided for myself that my blog is my book. It's free and anyone can read it anywhere...so I pray that God will use it for His glory to reach people that would never buy a book written by me. Your story is amazing, and it should be told...but do it by whatever means the Lord gives to you. Thank you for visiting today, and I am happy to find you here! God bless you and keep you and continue to give you strength to do what is most important!!!

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    1. Pam, a sister at heart. My husband and I are in full time ministry with Ethnos 360, formally, New Tribes Mission. We have served in two countries but now serve as Member Care Reps for our mission covering six south west states. I so agree about our blogs being a cook in some sense. My children have kept at me along with many others to write about our life. Not so much as missionaries but how life has brought things into my life that helped me understand the love of Christ for all. There is no way I would leave a good country, good friends and family and live in a third world country, I am not adventurous. I might go for a short overseas visit but not live. Only the love of God for me could compel me to say yes to that kind of call. I enjoyed your blog and will come back for another visit.

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  8. I am a Dutch (christian) writer and I have stopped writing since March. After the death of my old father it seems that I no longer have any inspiration. Now I am reading your blog post, I think it's okay. Other things are more important for me now. Mourning takes time and energy. Thank you for your good blog post

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