Take me deep Lord, take me deep

For months my heart has been full of things God is doing in me, and through me, and around me.  During this time I have wondered where was He going with all of it, what did He want me to do with it?  He usually always gives me a chance to use the sweet words He speaks to my heart.  

Trusting Him through the years has taught me to allow Him to build my faith through the waiting for His timing to be used.  

You see, I have a deep Godly desire to help women become wise hearted women, courageous wise hearted women to be exact.  It's not that I think I am so wise mind you, but what little I know, I want to share it, to be used to encouraged, to help someone grow just a little more mature in their walk with God.  

All that said, all that pondering on my hearts desire and then, just like that, He opened two  opportunities to speak to women.

The first was the hardest, because it was before a group of peers, the other Member Care women in our mission, who do what I do, attend the same conference, usually read the same book.  My thinking was, what in the world can I say that resonate in their hearts that they have not already heard.  

How could I encourage other encouragers who like me wanted to be healthy growing women of God.  God reminded me of my prayer for Him to take me deep.

For almost a year, God has been driving me to go deep in His love, to the deepest part of His heart because it is nothing like my heart, my flesh heart. His ways are not like mine, there is mystery to His heart.

How do I tap into that mystery?  Then I remembered it's the Holy Spirits job to reveal the mysteries of God.

For to us God revealed them through the Spirit; for the Spirit searches all things, even the depths of God.

Trusting God's grace means trusting God's love for us rather than our love for God. Therefore our prayers should consist mainly of rousing our awareness of God's love for us rather than trying to rouse God's awareness of our love for him, like the priests of Baal on Mount Carmel (1 Kings 18:26-29).”  
  ―        Peter Kreeft,    

I love the above quote and it went right along with what my two opportunities to speak were about. 

 II Corinthians 5: 14-15 For the love of Christ controls (motivate, compels us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died, and He died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf.     

The second time of sharing came in a room full of women of few I knew.  God allowed me to share a journey of finding the power of God's love for me. Not my love for Him, it can never match up to His love for me.  When I dwell on HIs love a divine filling of the spirit happens in my heart.  His love for me has nothing to do with what or when or how I do, in fact I cannot ever do  enough to match His love for me.  His love does motivate me to be used of Him at any cost.  It motivates me to surrender myself, my emotions, my will, my self life.  It tears down any idea of a life of me being in control. 

                   

 I am His and He is mine.  Hallelujah. 

Change

How many of you are sick of hearing about, climate change?  Are you worried about it? And what part do you play in stopping it or making it come faster?

As for me, well I leave that kind of thing to God,  the creator of climate.  I know He created this earth as the place to inhabit and I believe we are suppose to take care of it.  But He did tell us not to worship the creation.  I do my part by picking up trash, planting pretty flowers, obey the environmental rules for where we live.  But beyond that, as I said before, I leave the climate changes to God.  Honestly, I have never worried about it once.

Changes close to home is what can put me in a grip of worry and ruin my day.   You would think  moving 32 times now I would have the process mastered.  And some of it I do because I have no problem purging, in fact I hate clutter so to get rid of it is easy for me.  After living in two third world countries where there is not one Walmart or Costco I got use to downsizing and found I function better when I do.

Lets be honest about it, change is hard for everyone.  My husband says men do the move and women feel the move.  Those feelings we deal with when our nest has to be sorted through then packed up and moved, then set up again are real.  Not only does our body feel the physical hardship of the work but our emotions can be a wreak until we get our nest settled again.

It is enough

My head was full of great plans to do nothing but work on my book.   I knew I would have tons of extra time as we house sit for three weeks for some friends who were  going on a mission trip.  My carry on bag was full of extra paper, pen, pencils, notes from all sort of places just waiting to be polished and written down.  Several pages of, 'helps" from different people who have written books .  Lots of helps transferred to my husband lap top which would be available all day for me.   

 Three whole weeks in Kentucky,  then we headed off to Minnesota where our daughter lives for a month long vacation.  I envisioned sitting in our little RV, drinking green tea, maybe a few home made cookies from my daughter and God flowing words and sentences I had never thought of through my finger tips.  

We are back in California and all the suitcases are unpacked except my carry on still full of all that material I took.  I dread opening it up and pulling out all those resources  and all those blank pieces of paper.

Yes, you read that right, blank, blank, blank.  I did not even take it  out of the carry on...not one piece.  Oh wait, I did take out my bible and a book I brought to read, my devotional and one pencil.

What causes this kind of relapse in  a person?  My intension were good, I prepared for writing, I had the place free of interruptions, well most of the time.  Trust me, I had plenty of time to write but did not add one word to the three chapters I have already written.

  Did I waste a lot of time?  Maybe some, but still there was plenty of time left.  So what was it???   Procrastination, laziness, illness, too much going on,  am I losing interest in writing my book?  I don't think so.  Actually, I really don't feel guilty about not working on my book and I think I can tell you why.  It was not at the top of my list of things to do.  I thought it was until we hug our daughter and family.  All thoughts of my book vanished.

Getting older does make one look through a different perspective on just about every thing.  I do not feel that rushed feeling anymore to keep the same pace I kept in past years.

At the top of my lists is enjoying time with our adult children because they enjoy being with us.  Also the grandchildren tug at my heart to get to know them better.  I feel as if my responsibility has shifted to what is more important for me and them.   In my younger years I would spend too much time on the phone talking to friends  or running yard sell or thrift store shopping.   Oh my children were always there with me but my attention was divided too much.

Fluid is the word I would use to describe how I was feeling during the past couple of months.  Being fluid can mean one who is likely or able to change, adaptable, adjustable, changeable; flexible.  There are a lot more adjectives to describe being fluid but you get my point.

Let me tell you what I did do with my time...hugged our family a lot, said I love you a lot, played games with grandchildren, watched movies with them, cooked for them, did the dishes with them, went shopping a lot with my daughter since I was helping her decorate her freshly painted walls. 

 Went out to eat a lot,  and enjoyed our  oldest grandson, Logan graduation party. Sung some good old southern gospel music three times at churches, met a lot of people they know.  Enjoyed getting to know our daughters in laws, lovely people.  Ave Jo, the youngest grand daughter's cat had kittens a few weeks before we got there so I spend lots of time loving on those kittens.  I''d sit in my RV and yell, Ava Jo, go get Grandma  a baby kitten.  

The oldest grand daughter will be a senior in college and got to spend some quality time with her.  Watched the smile on my husband face as he fix several things needing a man skills. Read the book I brought, heard a good message about my God, got to give counsel to a women who needed to know she was loved.

But...I did not add one word to my book.    I am not sure when I will unpack my carry on full of all the items I took to write from.

“Half of me is filled with bursting words and half of me is painfully shy. I crave solitude yet also crave people. I want to pour life and love into everything yet also nurture my self-care and go gently. I want to live within the rush of primal, intuitive decision, yet also wish to sit and contemplate. This is the messiness of life - that we all carry multitudes, so must sit with the shifts. We are complicated creatures, and ultimately, the balance comes from this understanding. Be water. Flowing, flexible and soft. Subtly powerful and open. Wild and serene. Able to accept all changes, yet still led by the pull of steady tides. It is enough.”
― Victoria Erickson 

I know I am led by the pull of a steady tide, or better yet, led by the creator of the steady tide and it is enough. Wise Hearted 

Reminders

This is my 2019 monthly planner that I bought because of the cover.  I love maps and globes because they remind me life is not all about me.  Everyday,  millions of people get up and breathe God created air just as I do.   Yet when they stop breathing air into their body many will not go to heaven.  I want to be reminded on a daily bases of this so I can be ready to give an answer for the hope that lives within me.  

Recently I did some updating in my living room. I put a big map over our fireplace, a couple globes, items that remind us of the needs of the world. The map has this quote on it,  "You will receive power  when the Holy Spirit has come upon you and you shall be My witnesses both in Jerusalem and in all of Judea and Samaria,  and even to the remotest part of the earth".  

Another thing I like to do occasionally to remind me of the lost in the uttermost parts of the world is to look at our pictures from our overseas mission days.  

The little girl is the pink name is, Betty Jo, after me.   

A trip into the village our daughter and family were in required a half hour ride in  a single engine plane. That is our oldest grand daughter beside her Grandpa, she was coming home for a break from boarding school.  Getting into the village is so much easier with an airstrip. The first time we went for a visit we flew into another village , got into canoes for a four hour river ride. And that is how we returned. So when the Yembi village built their own airstrip thanks to the generous people in different parts of the world we flew straight into the village.  It was amazing.  A four hour canoe trip might sound adventurous to you but once was enough for me.  I'll take a half hour single engine plane ride any time.  No alligators swimming in the sky. 

A visit in a village high in the mountains of Papua New Guinea.  These little kids loved showing me around. In this village we noticed the crosses on the grave were turned upside down.  In their belief after dying their spirit would be able to grab the upside down cross and come out of the grave.  These people have had the gospel presented in their own language and some translation of the Bible done. More is currently going on. 

 This was a surprise going away party from the men who worked on our base. They lived in the villages nearby.  They saved their money and bought us a store bought cake from town.  No ovens in their villages. It was a humbling time for us, lots of tears. 

Men and women in the Yembi village learning to read. 

Ace helping to build benches for a teaching house in a village. 

This is in the Yembi village where our daughter and family lived.  These gifts were made by hand by the folks sitting with us.  They told me to fill the basket  with food for Ace and hang it outside my house.

This last picture is the support base where we lived. From here we were able to supply food, fuel, mail, etc out to the remote villages where the missionaries lived.  On this base, we were able to provide housing for those coming out in need of a doctor, and a rest.  The Madang town was 20 miles from our base and from it we could catch a plane to a larger town or to Australia when it was serious.  Our helicopter  land right on our support center .  Surrounding us were villages where you can see the smoke from their cook fires.   We had our own generator for electricity.  The beauty of this place is being right on the ocean which has beautiful coral reefs and great fishing.  The most surprising thing for me was the sounds at night. As soon as the sun went down all the bugs, birds, reptiles, animals would start their own chatter which at times could be quite loud. It really did sound like jungle. 

People ask all the time if we miss it and we can say honestly, YES.  Oh not the rugged living but being a part of something bigger than ourselves, YES.  Papua New Guinea was and still is undeveloped in so many ways.  One learns quickly how to use what is available at the outdoor market and the few stores there.  You learn quickly how to plan ahead when you have to cook everything from scratch.  Ace and I would do it again if God said go again.  For now though, He has us in a stateside ministry helping our missionaries when they return to the states.  We are content.  One does not have to go overseas to find lost souls, they are all around us everyday wherever we live.     

"Mercy means I am so deeply grateful for the forgiveness I have received that I cannot help offering you the same. "

Paul Tripp

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Un-Offendable

Repeat alert:  I bought this book for my daughter over a year ago.  It sit on her selves until this last month when my oldest granddaughter, freshly graduated from college picked it up to read.  The effect it had on her is why I am reposting it.  It moved her to tears.  Why?  This is my opinion, based on the fact I have read the book.   The truth and honesty combined with the power of the Holy Spirit to convict causes a God-felt response in our soul since we all are too easily offended.   If I was rich, this is the one book I would send to everyone in the world.  

 I really like to read book reviews, especially when the person 

writing the review tells how the book affected them.

First of all, on a scale of 1-5, I give this a 5+.  Second I had never heard of Brant Hensen but I am now reading my second book by him,  Blessed are the Misfits.

Third, most books I read are people who are in ministry full time. But this guy is a radio host and a full-time Christian.

Fourth, what made me buy it was he writes on a subject that is dear to my heart and yet the subject that can destroy my life if I let it, anger.

Let me just give you a couple of the questions from the back of the book jacket, it might draw you in like it did me.

Isn't taking offense normal?  Aren't we supposed to get offended?

Isn't anger at sin justifiable?  If God gets mad, why can't we?

Brant Hansen asks a radical, freeing question.  What if Christians were the most "unoffendable" people on the planet?  And He offers a life-changing idea: "righteous anger" is a myth, and giving up our "right" to be offended can be one of the most healthy, simplifying, relaxing, refreshing, stress reliever, encouraging thing we can do.

Now here is how this book has helped me, but first let me say, he says nothing new or anything I did not already know.  The pastor I got saved under always said, repetition is the best way to learn and I totally agree.  I have read countless books on "anger", Hansen formula is not new, people have been writing about it since the beginning of writing things down.  Ever since the first sin of unbelief when Eve was challenged if she really believe what God said about eating that one fruit, the results of it begin to manifest itself in anger,  which led to wrath and a brother killing a brother, and the host of all sins.

Hansen puts it simply, I can choose to be offended.  Right off the bat he lays it back on me, not the one who offended me, but little old me.  We do not have the right to be angry, we are told to forgive.  Both cannot exist together.

Personally I can remember believing I had every right to be angry, (offended) at how my Dad treated me, my mother, and two brothers growing up.  Let me give you a little taste of the word he used to describe us, "pitiful".  Start every day of your life with that word bouncing around in your head.  He was a drunk, abusive father with no affection toward us or anyone for that matter.  Don't you think I have the right to be angry about what he did to us?

Had God not come into my life and I believed He sent His Son to die for me I would still be living with that anger boiling inside me.  That was just the start of a journey of learning forgiveness trumps anger any day.  If I could trust God for my eternal salvation I had to trust Him for the whole package..

I love the way Hansen put God's spin on, "righteous anger".  " I quote, "we like being angry. We don't like what caused the anger, to be sure; we just like thinking we're "got" something on someone. So and so did something wrong, something horribly wrong, and anger offers us a sense of moral superiority.  Righteous anger is tricky, it turns out I tend to find Brent Hansen's anger more righteous than others anger, This is because I am so darn right"   ( you have to read this book so you will get the full effect of this principle that God laid down from the beginning, it's the principal of GRACE. )

More from Hensen:  The thing that you think makes your anger "righteous " is the very thing you are called to forgive.  Grace isn't for the deserving.  Forgiving means surrendering your claim to resentment and letting go of anger.  Anger is extraordinarily easy. It's our default setting. Love is difficult. Love is a miracle.

Back to how this book personally affected me.  I have noticed my awareness is keener when I get angry.  Hansen never says we will ever get to where we never get angry but when our thinking changes we can lessen the time it sticks in our mind.  Like our pastor said, you cannot keep the birds from flying over your head but you can keep them from building a nest.

The nest of hurt from my Dad has affected me all my life. I try to deny it by saying I have forgiven him and I have but here is how it manifests itself in the present day.  I transferred that hurt over my Dad to all men.  Being a survivor from an abusive home is hard to get over.  Trusting is a major problem for me.  Let me define that more, trusting any man is a problem for me.  Any man includes my husband.  Learning that I was to be submissive to him even when I did not agree was like an electrical shock going through me. If I agree with him no problem. I tell him all the time we women understand submissive on a deeper level.  I don't believe that as strong as I use to but if I am not careful I will use it as my default to not forgive him.  I can, like everyone else, submit and not forgive at the same time.  Forgiveness goes deeper then submission or so I think.

To choose and I praise Him for the gift of choice, to choose to not be offended is exactly what Christ did as they crucified Him and He said, Father forgive them, they know not what they do.  The day I looked at my Dad, all broken, in a wheelchair, his mind gone and realized through God's power that He died for my Dad,  and He shed the same amount of blood for him as He did for me was where my journey of shedding my anger, one step into truth at a time started.

 If you looking for a book to challenge your heart over being offended, look no more.  His book along with many others and sermons is what keeps me daily reminded this is a journey and it will not be over till Jesus calls me home.

Read a good book lately, could you leave the title in a comment please and if you wish a brief or long reason why you liked it, what did it help you with.  Or if you are like me, did it make you want to give it to someone so it can help them also.  I love to pass on good books to others.  Hope you do also.

"For Good"

                      

A  dear friend of mine reminded me today through this song how important we are to each other.   She and I worked together for a couple of years in a  school  office.  People, even Christians  cannot work together on anything without there being an opportunity to get offended and misunderstood.

As children of God we are suppose to be different, not a grudge holder,  not held captive by feelings of anger or unforgiveness.  It is when we rub shoulders with each other that we are sharpened and changed.  Each relationship we have, good or bad is meant for our good.   I have had more good relationships than bad ones of which I am thankful.  But I have learned the deepest lesson from the bad ones , they drove me to my knees for insight and wisdom and that supernatural love that help me rise up and be what God wants me to be.


My friend, Debbie reminded me about the two plants she brought for our offices.  They made the office look so much better.  She still has the spider plant and think of me every time she waters it.  She was heartbroken one early spring when a freak freeze came and froze the plant then  thawed it to a dripping mess.  She ripped everything off that was dead and all that was left was the roots,   A few weeks later it begin to grow again which really surprised her.

I read this in tears for that happened to me after we worked together over some huge hurt that hit my heart and filled it with disappointment that froze me for almost a year.  I read God's Word, but the only thing that got through to me during that frozen stage was Job 26 where God's says He hangs the earth on nothing.  I felt if I just hang on by my hurting finger nail to that truth He would bring me through it .

Only the love of Christ can mend a broken frozen heart.  After about a year I begin to thaw out because I begin to forgive God's way.  I could write story after story  about the people God brought my way to help grow me up in the Lord

.  I have not seen my friend, Debbie since 1999 but God knew who I needed to hear from today.  She and I got along great because we took the time to understand each others ways and respected each other. I am so grateful for relationships that have been for my good and even for those  that hurt at times but taught me much.

Vacation

Ace, Betty, our grandson, Logan and his other set of grandparents 

Vacation time is here.  We are enjoying some time off from our normal ministry travel to travel to Minnesota for a visit with our daughter and family.  Got to enjoy our senior grandson play his last baseball game...I and my daughter both screamed our lungs out, it was so fun.  A few days later we got to watch him graduate from high school.  He is working one of the hardest job this summer, working for a company that black tops parking lots, drive ways, etc.    His job is a sweeper and his only tool is a huge broom.  We are so proud of him, he will work 12 to 14 hour days, 7 days a week.  Then he heads off to University of Mn.  The picture is of him of course and his two set of grandparents.

I have not been writing much lately for my blog, kind of put it aside for some other writing.  Also wanted to finish a great book by Brant Hansen, titles Unoffendable.

One last  note, I am still having issue with some being able to comment on my post.  I was in the process of switching to Wordpress so that may have caused the issue.  There has been so much going on I have had to put working on the issue for other thing, so I am sorry if you are still having problems.  It will get fixed, I promise, check in once in a while to see.


 Oh to be a senior again, oh wait, I am senior, just not the kind that wears a red gown and black hat.