Even If

I love the message in the song, Even If, by Mercy Me. It came on this morning as my husband was surfing on YouTube because it's a favorite, so it crops up a lot. And when it does, I have to play it and sing along in my shaky, not so good anymore voice. (The last bout with Covid destroyed my voice).

When a writer of a song such as Even If puts music to the words, music that rises and falls with the emotions and passion of the song, listeners can only stop and think about their own life. I play this song often to start our lady's bible study to help us stop thinking in their perspective and start thinking of God's perspective. Every time it stops what conversation was going on and all us ladies soak in the message of the song.

At first, I was going to post the song, but the words alone are enough to draw us closer to our Lord. They are enough to set our minds on Him and not ourselves. They are enough to plough our hearts soft and make them ready for the Holy Spirit to works in us through our study.

The enemy of our soul does not want us to focus on God alone. He would rather we let our thoughts run to worry, or anger or any negative thought about our life. There can be fear of what others think if we focus on God all the time. One thing I have learned is His thoughts will drive out the worry and anger, etc. Read the words below of the song, write them out and put them before you. Let your eyes and ear be open to Him as you focus on Him no matter what is happening in your life. You can't stop life from throwing some pretty heavy blows, but He understands that He took all the blows of all the sins of the world on Him. It's still Easter today and tomorrow and forever.

Verse 1]
They say sometimes you win some
Sometimes you lose some
And right now
Right now I'm losing bad
I've stood on this stage
Night after night
Reminding the broken it'll be alright
But right now
Oh, right now, I just can't

[Pre-Chorus]
It's easy to sing
When there's nothing to bring me down
But what will I say
When I'm held to the flame
Like I am right now?

[Chorus]
I know You're able
And I know You can
Save through the fire
With Your mighty hand
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone

My Choice

 

For the latest Bible study I lead, I chose the book by Dane Orthund titled, Gently and Lowly.

Christian knows what Jesus has done, but who is he? What is his deepest heart for his people, weary and faltering on their journey toward heaven? Jesus said he is, "gentle and lowly in his heart." This book reflects on these words, opening up a neglected yet central truth about who he is for sinners and sufferers today. (This is from the jacket of the book)

There are 9-10 ladies who meet every Thursday at my house to learn to be more like Christ. We have gone through several books of the bible and several books that are designed to help us grow in our understanding of God and His ways. Since its all women who attend the study, its always geared toward being a wise hearted women of God.

So, what can a group of women in their 60 to 80 have to learn about the Lord. All of us are asking God what do you want us to do at our age. Prayer is the first thing that comes up and we have a couple of women who are hard core prayer warriors. Because we have lived a long time does not mean we do not have trials and struggles. The one thing we all have is more time to study and reflect on the things of God. Time to pray more, time to come along the younger women in our lives. And as we are learning from this study time to go deeper in our knowledge and understanding of who Jesus is.

All of the ladies come to the study with years of experience of walking through life. We understand pain, we understand struggles, most could say, been there done that about whatever we talk about. All of us have felt the guilt when we fail, blamed ourselves way too much. All have felt alone many times, especially at our age when we suffer. As heaven gets closer, we cling to our hope of being there when we leave this earth. I tell them this every week, God is not done with us yet, we are not useless just because we are older. This old world needs us to bury ourselves deep into the love of God so we can help our family and friends and maybe a stranger we meet know there is hope. Just because our world is a mess does not mean Jesus is a mess. He is the most solid thing in we ladies life.

It's been my joy as I lead this study and hear how it is affecting each of the ladies. I try to be sensitive to each one because a couple do not say much but I see them write thing down as we go through the book. I have always led a Bible study where ever we have lived. The last move was to northern Mn. where are daughter and family lives. I looked for a Bible study to attend, no one was having one so I stepped out in faith and ask our pastor if he minded if I started a study in my home. Knowing only a few women from our church I did not know if any would come, my husband and I are pretty new to the congregation. About 10 of us gather every week and not just from our church, word of mouth works.

A couple of quotes from the book:

Our sinfulness runs so deep that a tepid measure of gentleness from Jesus would not be enough; but as deep sinfulness runs, ever deeper runs His gentleness.

When we sin, we are encouraged to bring our mess to Jesus because He will know how to receive us. He doesn't handle us roughly. He doesn't scowl and scold. He doesn't lash out, the way many of our parents did. And all this restraint on His part is not because He has a diluted view of our sinfulness. He knows our sinfulness far more deeply than we do. Indeed, we are aware of just the tip of the iceberg of our depravity, even in our most searching moments of self-knowledge. His restraints simply flow from His tender heart for His people.

A quote on this book from another of my favorite authors, Paul David Tripp, "On the rough, rocky, and often dark path between the already and not yet, there is nothing your weary heart need more than to know the beauty of the heart of Jesus. It is the beauty that alone has the power to over-whelm all the ugly you will encounter along the way. I have read no book that more carefully, thoroughly, and tenderly displays Christ heart that what Dane Orthund has written. As if I was listening to a great symphony, I was moved in different ways in different passage, but left each feeling hugely blessed to know that what was being described was the heart of my Savior, my Lord, my Friend and my Redeemer. I can't think of anyone in the family of God who wouldn't be greatly helped by spending time seeing the heart of Jesus through the eyes of such a gifted guide as Orthund.  

Fat

 

Determining the ideal weight for older people has been somewhat of a Goldilocks pursuit, with researchers looking for what weight is not too thin, but not too fat. Studies have suggested that being slightly overweight can be protective. In theory, having a few extra pounds could be good if you, say, develop cancer and need to undergo chemotherapy, which can lead to rapid weight loss.

This morning I was challenged by the above post about getting older and losing weight. As I sit down in my chair to type this post I was relaxed, content and feeling pretty good for a 77 year old women who does not worry too much about my weight. In fact there is not much I worry about at my age. I have been skinny and it was not all its cracked up to be and I am over weight now and its not whats it cracks up to be.

Lately my husband and I have been discussing our funeral arrangements. We are totally opposite in our thinking about the whole process. Where to be buried is the top thing we discuss. We have enough insurance to bury us so that one thing off the table. I am a planner so I want to plan it now, he does not even like to talk about it.

Here is the thing, it's coming, the day is approaching fast or so it seems. Just yesterday I was 76 and now I am, of course, 77 and 78 is right around the corner. To live in the present means we must deal with our age and the ailments that come with it and maybe plan for our funerals or not. Probably will be not.

I bet you are wondering where she's going with this, two subjects, weight, and death. Let me tie it together.

 Our medical world tends to advocate staying thin and healthy of course. Healthy is hard to come by past 70, body is showing massive age-related decline. Wrinkles and lose sagging skin tell our age and even the way we carry ourselves sometimes screams that lady is old. So why am I feeling relaxed, content and feeling pretty good with my extra body weight? We heard an undertaker say that he buried very few old fat people. I think I will stay in the overweight, not skinny or even lean as I head toward 78.

Hey, that tied up pretty good, don't you think?

I really wish we could live as old as they did in the Old Testament.

Does it bother you to talk about your funeral which mean you have to take about death?

AND JUST LIKE THAT

 

Today my husband and I went to a funeral of a dear friends wife who had been declining for a while. In fact my husband held the funeral for our friend. The afternoon before, we met with most of the close family to hear their stories of their wife, mother, grandmother, and great grandmother. It was a sweet time of laughter, tears and grief expressing how giving she was.

One story that will stay with us forever came from her husband. We had just visited them about two weeks before, she was weak but was sitting on the couch with her husband as he teased her. But, this story came to be the night she died. By this time, she is bedridden and not talking but Hospice assured the family the hearing is the last thing to go, so she could hear.

As the husband lay in bed with her, the verses in Psalm 23 came to his mind and he begin to recite it. After he finished, he said, now hon, save a place for me in heaven.

AND JUST LIKE THAT, she closed her eyes and gave up her worn-out dress of flesh and her soul went to be with Jesus, leaving behind the ragged old body that housed it for many years.

It's hard not to cry when others are crying especially when a man cries. My husband and I did our best to assure them grieving is good; it means someone was loved enough to be missed. We are in good company when we cry for Jesus cried, He grieved, when He heard His friend Lazarus died. Tears can be such a comfort when the words leave us. We watched tons of comforters pour into the funeral home to love on those who had lost a loved one.

It was a good day. The bible says it's better to go to the house of mourning then a house of eats. My husband was able to give the sweet gospel to a room full of people needing comfort and HOPE. That husband, those adult children and grandchildren will never hug Pat physically again for she will not return to earth. But, oh but someday, they can have hope they will see her again. All it takes is belief in Jesus as the only way to heaven. It was a good day.

I pray for those who could read this, that when their time comes and it will, just like that. No body knows the second we will draw our last breath and our soul will separate from our body and journey to eternity. For our friend Pat, she had accepted the sacrifice of Jesus death on the cross for her and she is now with Him. Without Christ there is no hope. I hate typing those last five words, but truth is truth. If you are interested in knowing more, you can write me, and I will gladly share how you can have that hope too.

Fragile people often possess a hidden strength that isn’t immediately apparent. Their resilience lies in their ability to endure challenges, adapt, and persist despite their vulnerabilities. Like delicate flowers that withstand storms, these individuals demonstrate remarkable inner fortitude.

Strength doesn’t always manifest as physical power; it can also be emotional, mental, or spiritual. Fragile people may face adversity with grace, empathy, and compassion. Their sensitivity allows them to connect deeply with others and appreciate life’s nuances.

In essence, fragility and strength coexist. It’s the delicate balance between vulnerability and resilience that defines their unique power. So, yes, fragile people can indeed be remarkably strong.

Read the above and was stirred to get back to writing.

I was a little shocked to see how long it had been since I wrote something for my blog. Glad was the next emotion I felt because I knew I had done the right thing for me to help me recovery from some health issue I went through. My last stage of recovery was continuing to be inactive longer that I wanted to as I started to feel better.

At 77 I still want to do so much more than my body can handle which means I must deal with the mental part of recovery. It's being disciplined to doing what is right for you in face of my mind telling me to do, to go, to push, push, push.

In this struggle I thought about how Jesus came apart and got away from the push of the crowd. I don't think it had anything to do with his physical body, but His mental state of mind and He needed to connect with His Father.

There was times I did not want to go to church because I could not handle caring people asking me how I was doing. That finally passed and now I am teaching the ladies bible study again and loving it.

I don't see myself as a discipline person, just give me chocolate and you will see it clearly yourself. But trusting the Lord through this last health issue has been a walk of discipline, going against my feeling often and reaping the good from that. My family still do not want me to drive even though I believe I can without anything bad happening. Frailty when it hits the body and mind affect those who love you too, and they only want to protect. So I must trust the ones that God has given me to know at times what is best for me.

God has been so good to me through my family, friends, doctors, nurses and there is nobody I would rather has walk this path with me then Jesus.

It's good to be back to the blogging world.

Chasing Pills

 

When things get frustrating it's good to have a laugh and be thankful. I don't always find things to laugh about or be thankful for during a hard time, but today God opened my eyes after I spent almost an hour filling up my pill container.

My phone rang right I finished popping my pill into those little compartments in my pill holder. Most of the time I have to get on the floor and look under my chair or across the room for those pills I dropped, those are the times I am frustrated with myself. For sure aging brings on clumsiness and stiff joints that makes its hard to chase pills.

While I am on my knees, I sense the Lord trying to teach me something about being thankful such as, I can now fill my own medicine container. A few months ago, I could not do it, could not keep it straight in my head how much and even if I needed certain pills, so my daughter and husband took over. The second bout with Covid took a toll on my mind and things got jumbled up and it took it a while to unjumble.

Nothing better than laughing with a friend because we both share in the benefits from it. She called for herself to be lifted up and in turn she lifted me up. What a ride from discouragement to encouraged.

I hope I am giving you a little laugh for the next time you are on your knees looking for that tiny little pill you dropped. Thank God for the pill, and that you can get on your knees, especially if you can get back up.  Blessings  

I was telling my friend who called just as I got through finding the pill I dropped, and yes, it did rolls and bounced quite a ways.

As I listened to her share her heart about a frustration happening in her life I started laughing as I said, sometimes all it takes is being thankful for the ability to fill a pill container to drive frustration away. She started laughing with me and her laughter made me really laugh more.

Still laughing.

Aging Ministry

 

January 2017 was when it hit that aging had a tight grip on me.  For over a year I had been having chest pains, and was getting out of breath if I walked too fast.  Of course, I was a little overweight, so I assumed that was the cause of all the symptoms I was having.  But to be safe, I went to the doctor who put me through a stress test, and they thought it was my weight also, or possibly asthmas. 

 All the above was in 2016 and then 2017 rolled around and I was schedule to have a knee replacement in Jan.   My husband thought I better get checked out again since my breathing and chest pain were getting worse.  My doctor sent me for another stress test and x-ray. On the way home from the test my doctor called me and told me I needed to have a Heart Cath, that my breathing issues were classic heart blockage.  Open heart surgery took place a week later and aging took on a deeper meaning for me. I was now known as a older women with two bypasses.   Eleven months later I had that dreaded knee surgery.  In between I started to have UTI's which happens often to the elderly. Oh, the journey of aging. 

Thats all for the health issues for now, there would be more to come.  I have reached the ripe old age of 76 with two bouts of Covid under my belt, both put me in the hospital, first one almost destroyed my kidneys and the second almost took my life.   In the past three years the UTI have been like a nasty relative visiting without being invited. 

I love the little cartoon at the top for it speaks my heart. I really don't want to be a sweet old lady, but I do want to be busy ageless sweet woman of God who has mellowed and become gracious and wiser with age.   

 Here is the thing, 77 comes after 76, and after 77 comes 78, and 79, and then...oh my goodness, 80. For the life of me I cannot see me as an 80-year-old sweet or grouchy woman.  I am trying not to worry about even making it to 80.

Next week I have an appointment with a vascular surgeon, to talk about blockage in my renal arteries leading from the heart to kidneys.  Thats been my life since 2017, doctors, nurses, tests, medicine, therapy, and healthier food and lots of water.  

Before 70 I had a different life which centered around our ministry meeting up with other missionaries, traveling all over the place.  It feels like I have lost my place, but I work hard to not lean on my feelings and be content with the life I have now.  

My new ministry is how many times can I mention Jesus as the doctor's work on me and the nurses take care of me.  Each stay in the hospital brings ministry up real close.  I have my bible out most of the time. If I miss speaking His name, the first time the doctor or nurse or technician to take blood I will make sure the next time they come into my room they know this sweet old woman is a child of God.  

Actually, it's kind of fun to see how they will re-act.  Not one has kicked me out of the hospital for speaking the name of Jesus.  In fact, when they find out I have lived in two other countries they start asking what I was doing.  Now, they are on my territory. It's like God says, ok, it's time to let the Spirit take over.  It's time to  share the why you left a great country, family and friends to tell people living remotely all over the world that Jesus loves them and died for them so they could go to heaven when they die.  It's a simple story, easy to tell, age has nothing to do with the telling of it. The hospital has become my mission field, that doctors' office, that person trying to get my frail blood vessel to stop rolling so they can get an IV in me. That person who brings me meals, cleans my room while I lay thanking God for His love to me, is gonna remember, me.  

I believe with all my heart God does not want us to waste anything that comes into our life, even our suffering.    It's all a tool to plant a seed, water it and maybe see the harvest of that seed.  I trust the Lord to take me to heaven when He is ready, so I have no fear of dying.  

When I keep the pain to myself, and pretend everything is perfect, I waste opportunities to minister to others walking a similar path. 

                     How has God encouraged you lately?

Inside Out

I started out reading a few new blogs this morning, feeling a desire for something to trigger some of the great thoughts God has flowed through my heart this last month.  Needless to say, June went by with three hospital stays from a heart cath with complications, and Covid again.  I am home recovering but I know it's a slow long road to get back some of my strength.  I say some,  because, at 76 I will only get back what a 76 year old body can handle.  First new blog I read God used to help me express what my heart wants to shout.  Untipsteacher...love her words, her easy read, her heart for others.  Below is my blog post.  

UntipsyteacherSober Veg Mama
18h ago


Wise Hearted

just now




If I have to be old and fat, at least I can be old, fat, and strong! (Untipsyteachers words) , (and my reply to her words)

I needed to read your post this morning…especially the line above. I am still in a health crisis, recovering from Covid, got heart issues, kidneys, back issues, been laid up at home and hospital most of June, determined to get strong as I stumble into July. Heading to doctor today for a recap and the next orders for doing this. 

I have great family, friends who are more than willing to drop off a meal, pray, drop off another meal and my acceptance of that has grown. I do need those God puts in my stubborn way of not allowing others to help me.  I want to be the one dropping off a meal, sending a gift card, but I simple can’t. 

Great place to be is when I simple can't give out but, must chose to receive. God has my attention:

 Finally the physical toll pushes me into a compliant attitude, and I say, yes, send me a meal, pray, HELP ME.   Even though the physical part of my life seems to be wasting away my inner parts, my spiritual part is growing my leaps and bounds. He has been so sweet to me as I sit up at night, not sleeping due to a hacking cough and mind racing due to drugs to drive the virus out of my body. He makes sure my mind races to His goodness in our lives through memories pictures, songs, events, ways He has used us, people who He brought into our lives. It takes patience to sit still and be sick so one can heal. But it takes God’ s love running in our hearts to see inside what He is doing. Oh how He loves you and me. He is healing me from the inside out. 

Little side note: If this reads a little rattled it's because the steroids are making my mind race than I can type

Freedom Cost

It easier to put on a uniform, man a gun, train like crazy to protect those we love. But to do it for someone I have never met, or for those who are in prison for killing someone or a person who is foul mouth and disrespectful, there has to be a higher calling on that. One has to believe in the power of freedom or at least something worth dying for.

Happy Fourth of July

Lets take this a little bit deeper. Jesus put on the uniform of flesh, filled it with humanity, never sinned but lived and died for the whole world. Can't get any deeper love then that.

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9Dan Ruth Naldrett, Pam Wiggs and 7 others

Just wait

 

AA friend told me at 60, just wait till you hit your 70’s. Her comment has proved too true. At 70 I had open heart surgery, two bypasses, 19 days in hospital due to complications, 14 pounds lighter I went home to heal. A few months later, same year I had my knee replace. So far it was the most painful recovery.

Just wait, there is more.

After those two medical issues we moved to northern Minnesota where they winters are brutal, summer are short, almost no spring but beautiful in the fall. Any move is hard but moving in your 70’s takes more energy then I had most of the time. Covid’s hit and it did a number on me which required some surgery and for about three months I had a tube in my kidney for the urine to drain into a bag. Had a couple of stays in the hospital due to infections that kept cropping up in my badder. My right kidney does not work, the left one is working about 30 percent.

Just wait,

In the past year my health has declined due to my heart, kidneys and then I developed a sciatic nerve issue, a very painful one. I did therapy for about four three months, finally I am able to walk without a cane. After an MRI revealed my back was a mess I finally will see the surgeon in a few weeks. He will either give me an injection or surgery.

Just wait,

For several months I have been having a lot of heart angina, and a stress test revealed there is more, blockage on the left side of my heart. This will come first before the spine issue.

Just wait…I know it sounds like a lot and it is, but one thing I am conscious of is I am getting closer to heaven. Daily I am thankful for the era I was born in, great minds have come up with so much treatment for so many of what ails us. If I lived a 100 years ago I am sure I would have died early. I am one of the privileged ones who have gotten to live into my winter years where I am reaping from those great minds that figured out how to do transplant. I love living more than I ever did, I love waking up even if I am in pain and knowing I have another day to serve Him.

Just wait…“

 John 16:33 Jesus says, Take heart! I have overcome the world.”heaven is next and I am looking forward to no more pain, no more tears, no more trouble. My faith has been tested and tried over and over and the Lord has proved Himself and the Word over and over too.

 friend told me at 60, just wait till you hit your 70’s. Her comment has proved to