Limbo

 

What Does In Limbo Mean?

The phrase “in limbo” is a slang term that means “uncertain” or “in a state of stasis.” It is often used to describe a situation or person whose future status is unclear and unlikely to be determined anytime soon. 

I don't remember being in, "limbo", often in the past.  Life just seems to roll along and I gladly went with it knowing my God was in control. In the last few years I felt this limbo state more than I like to count. Getting old is new territory for me and my husband.  

Every thought or new idea must be weighed in the thinking, can we even attempt to do what we are thinking? Will our health hold up if we do that?   

Here what started all these words you are reading. Yesterday we visited a man and wife in their 80's, close to 90's.  Since we are only a couple years away from 80 it kind of shook me.  I DO NOT WANT TO BE IN MY 80'S.  I WANT TO GO BACKWARDS INSTEAD OF FORWARD.  OR AT LEAST STAY IN LIMBO. 

For sure we will get to the 80's, no skipping them unless the Lord see different and takes us or one of us home in our 70's.

This morning, I need to drag myself out of limbo and get a message out to my bible study girls.  I think I need to be with others who understands my wanting to stay in limbo.  We are going to study the names of God and the first one on the list is:

God is Elohim, He is my creator.  I have not been very thankful to the Creator lately because of the limbo state my mind has been in.  So, I am going to get off this site and send reminders to the ladies, meet at my house, this Wed, 1pm, coffee and cake will be provided.  Would love to have you drop in if you are close.  

I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made...Psalm 139:14a

Overwhelmed

 

October is almost here, and we start our ladies Bible study the second Wed. So, for a couple of months, I have prayed on what to do.  We did not complete our book, Gentle and Lowly by Dane Ortlund.  We got halfway through then our summer break started.  My admonishment to the ladies was to finish it on their own.  (This is an excellent book on God's heart.)

So now, the decision lays on me as the teacher on what to do next.  I have three bible study books laid out before me, and I just ordered one more.  There so many good studies out there and it has overwhelmed me looking at them.  My norm is usually a book of the Bible, with maybe a bible study outline to go with it.  I could teach a topical study which really is easier, I think.  

My heart wants to teach something that will give them the big picture.  I am leaning toward our mission material that they use in remotes tribes, Creation to Jesus.  With all that is going on in this world we need a firm foundation to stand on as things get worst almost on a daily basis.  If I did not know who God is, who man is and what sin is, life would be scary right now.   God is an orderly God; we should not be surprised at our world today and how much worst it will get before Jesus returns for us.  

Thanks for letting me vent about being overwhelmed.  Just writing this out helped me and made me a little surer on what we will study next. I love teaching about the Lord and I do it in fear and trembling knowing and acknowledging how frail I am.   I need your prayers.  Blessings 

Competition

 

Aging has brought on a different kind competition concerning learning new thing. It's easier to just refuse to learn. 

Night before last I was looking up exercises for older people to save on my phone on Youtube.  I thought I knew what I was doing but according to my daughter I didn't.  It's one thing to make a mistake and you being the only one to know about it, but to have one that gets flashed over Facebook can cause shame.  I try very hard to not post offensive things, and it's mostly quotes and words that uplift Jesus for He is the reason I stay on Facebook. I have made mistakes before because I did not understand how to post something, and I think that is what happened in this incident.

I wanted to follow this one young man on YouTube who has a video on exercises for older people. Not just follow him but save his videos on my private message board.  

Somehow, without me knowing it, a video of another young hunk of a man doing a very provocative exercise got posted to my Facebook story that reads out to everyone on Facebook. The following morn my daughter came over and ask me if I was posting exercise videos late last night and I said, yes, why? When she showed me this video, she was telling how they, the family were all laughing over it. 

It was one of those moments I knew I could choose to laugh about it too or get offended they were laughing at me.     

So, what does this have to do with self-competition?

This was the quote I learned that day that helped me, {Your competition isn't against other people. You competition is against your procrastination, your negative thoughts, your comfort zone. Compete against those.)

I realized this quote I had just read that day was playing in my head and God was trying to teach me something.

Let me say this before I bring home the truth God gave me. Getting older is not fun or for sissy as they say. The body and mind does not work the way it used to; things are slower to catch on to. Learning new things take longer or never really come to a head where you can say, oh, I got this.  Learning something new is out of my comfort house so I must compete with the part of me that does not want to learn.

I do not want to stop looking things up on the internet and Facebook. I have too many friends and people I follow and who follow me. But when I fail outwardly and others know it and are laughing at my mistake, it's hard to not get mad at myself and just give up. One never gets too old to not feel embarrassed when making a mistake that others see. 

 I chose to laugh with my family over this which helped everyone, especially me.  Laughing at oneself is good therapy. While it might sound surprising, being able to make fun of yourself can be good for your self-esteem. It might even improve your relationships and help you cope more effectively with the challenges that life throws at you.

When you learn to be competitive with yourself instead of with other people, you don't have to panic because someone else got something first. You know it's coming to you at the right place, at the right time, when you put in the work, or the heart required to get it. You can put stock in what you do have and see what you have accomplished and use that as a springboard to make yourself more successful — not just to follow the footsteps of other people who have already succeeded in something. 

Emma Lord 

All this to let you  know after I laugh with my family I let my daughter teach me on my phone how to do what I wanted to do.  She never talked down to me or made me feel stupid at my lack of knowledge.  So maybe, just maybe this old women could step out of her comfort zone and learn more new things.  

Convicting Poem

Not too long after I got saved, I came across this poem and was so moved by it I penned in the front of my bible. I begin to pray, God, less of Betty and more of You about that time. The lessons I learned have helped me through the struggles that come to us. I do not have to rely on my love for other, I only have to rely on God's love for them.

There was no love shown by my Dad growing up which turned my heart to becoming a survivor despite the pain. I learned without Christ that's the only way we can survive hardship. With Him living in me I learned His love for me was the strongest bond because our relationship did not depend on me. He paid it all for me, and I paid nothing for the relationship. NOW THE POEM,

I WONDER

You know Lord how I serve you with great emotional fervor in the limelight.

You know how eagerly I speak for you at a Ladies fellowship

You know how excited I am when I promote a fellowship group.

You know my genuine enthusiasm at a Bible Study..

But I wonder, how would I re-act

If you pointed to a basin of water

And ask me to wash the calloused feet

Of a bent and wrinkled old women,

Day after day, month after month, in a room where nobody knew or saw me.

I wonder, Lord, WOULD I ? Ruth Harms Calkins

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." — Philippians 4:13,

A blessed footnote.  The night before my Dad died God cleared his mind up as if he had never drunk or had a stroke.  My husband led him to the Lord that night.  We actually thought we would be bringing him home in a few days.  The doctor called me early the next morning to tell me my Dad has passed away.  Immediately the thief on the cross came to mind.  He had put his trust in Jesus dying for him on that cross, not in any works he did our could do.  Simple trust in the truth of the gospel.  

 

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The line in this quote spoke heavily to my heart. "There is nothing stronger than someone who continues to stay soft in a world that hasn't always been kind to them".

Often, I have allowed an unkindness done to me to harden my heart against others. I can become cynical and judgmental toward those who have hurt me. Let me repeat those few words that struct a cord in me.

There is nothing stronger, (wow, oh wow, kindness makes us stronger!) That alone should make one desire kindness. It's not really a natural feeling or act. It does take a look at our Savior to really understand what true kindness is. He gave out kindness toward those who beat Him, hung Him on a cross to die. Kindness was Him saying at the end, Father forgive them, they know not what they do.

Oh, that the kindness of Christ would flow as easy out of me as it did Him when I am treated with unkindness. We really cannot see the harm unkindness does to a person till we ourselves have it entreated to us.

Read the quote again, what stands out to you the most.

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Freedom

Facebook always ask what I am thinking today so I answered with this battle cry. Freedom is on my mind today. Only one thing shows the strength and power of freedom then this iconic scene in Braveheart.

In the Year of our Lord 1314, patriots of Scotland, starving and outnumbered, charged the fields of Bannockburn. They fought like warrior poets; they fought like Scotsmen, and won their freedom."

In the year of our Lord 2024 we need to show the strength and power of free people and vote. God help me to have a brave heart as we do battle at so many levels. From the highest choices to vote we to how I live my life on a daily basis.

Their cry was freedom in Braveheart, Jesus cry of freedom on the cross was, IT IS FINISHED. JESUS IS MY BRAVEHEART.

Harmful Comfort Zone

 

Recently I have been listening to a podcast by Jason Seib. His words have stirred my soul and given me a challenge to take up. 

You see, it's my desire to grow into a deeper relationship with God.  As I listen to the podcast, I realize growth has always come when I am out of my comfort zone. When I take up a challenge to change my mind.  

What do you think about the statement Jason makes, that we are addicted to comfort!!!  I ask myself the question, what do I turn to when I am stressed?  I did not like my answers I can assure you.  

We all have our addictions, chocolate, soda, cigarettes, shopping, pills, strong drink, mindless hours watching TV, etc.   I usually turn to food now that I don't smoke when I am stressed. I love to chew gum but it's so bad for my teeth and causes sore in my mouth, but it makes me feel comforted. Crazy. I trade comfort over health.  

I smoked when I got saved and it bothered me, but I was addicted to the idea smoking relaxed me.  Forget lung cancer, the smell, the cost, it relaxed me.  I did quit right before a Christmas that would be a family gathering in which most smoked. I can remember thinking I will never get through those few days without failing not to smoke.  I did, thanks to a change of mindset.  The thought that I was putting something so harmful in my body which also housed the Holy Spirit was the change of mind attitude that brought victory over smoking. 

The deeper I go into the mind of Christ the more I want to shed comfortable habits that are harmful.  Now at 77, semi-retired, my mindset sometimes says I deserve to be comfortable.  With no children at home, I can sleep as late as I want, eat whatever I want, go whenever I want...get my drift.  Comfortable is all about me, me, me.  I believe sugar is addictive but cookies throughout my days with a cup of tea surfing on my phone is sure a comfortable feeling.  

There is nobody that ever walked this earth who shed being comfortable for the sake of others like Jesus.  He left heaven, not a shabby place, no sin, no death, etc.  His life on earth lived for us was not an easy life.  This was His mindset, Father if it be your will.     

                                                                                                                                                                  

NOW

 

Today I was reading some of my old post and thought if I could go back, I would use the phrase, " where we live "NOW" emphasis on "NOW". It fits much better than just writing or saying, "where we live".

I do believe there are some who have not kept up with us who still think we are serving in Bolivia, South America, or in Papua New Guinea. 

"NOW", we reside in northern Minnesota, next door to our daughter and family.  It's the place I would never want to live because of the winters, but circumstances change all the time.  And we are grateful for the little place they fixed up for us, it's cozy and warm in these long cold winters.  We are also grateful for the great relationship we have with our daughter and her husband.  

• “Don’t get caught up in thinking about the past or the future—live in the now!”
• “Be present in your own life.”
• “All you have is this moment. Don’t let it slip away.”
• “Life becomes more meaningful when you realize the simple fact that you’ll never get the same moment twice.”
• “Life is available only in the present moment. If you abandon the present moment you cannot live the moments of your daily life deeply.”

 

I like all those quotes above, but I find more power to live in the present from a Bible verse that I am sure most of you know.  I have been quoting it a lot lately because I found myself stuck in thinking about the past.  This verse is an action verse, because thinking is mental action, and I choose what I think on every day.  It requires me to on purpose change my thinking on my now.  

Philippians 4:8-9 ESV 

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

Are you living in your past, future or present?  

Therapy

 

Signs of one's childhood trauma can continue to manifest well into adulthood.

Kids create an internal map of how the world is based on the trauma they experience.

But if the map never changes, it affects adult functioning.

When children try to change themselves to be loved by a parent, they lose touch with who they really are.

For me, the desire to be rid of the emotions that came from growing up in an abusive home was always there. So, I took things into my own hands, marrying at 17 and that got me out of the abuse in the home.

I had buried deep what went on in our home, never talked about it even with my best friend, even the man I married at first. Later as I begin to open up, I came to realize because he came from a dysfunctional home he could not help me. So, for years I just kept quiet about my thoughts and struggles, until our marriage was struggling. This caused me to be a seeker of help through books and at 30 I bought a bible and started reading it. Without the Holy Spirit living in me I did not understand much. One thing though that was clear, I was a sinner in need of a Savior.

It took four, almost five years and the birth of our daughter, and some faithful people from a church inviting us to church before I heard the gospel plain enough to respond to it.

Being a new creature in Christ is mind blowing. Most of what I could not understand became clear, the sky was bluer, the sun was brighter, and I wanted to follow this Jesus I had put my trust in. And He wanted me to grow and that would mean hardship at times, memories that hard to recall, but Jesus was long suffering and grew me slowly into understanding fully what His forgiveness of my sins meant in a practical sense. Here is the kicker, those hurtful memories will never go away. Someone ask me one time after I gave my testimony. How long did it take to really forgive your dad? I replied, every time I thought about Him. In all my childhood I had one good memory of him.

Forgiveness is something you have to continue to do every time the hurt comes to mind, especially if it stick around to wreak your present-day life. Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future. Lewis B. Smedes

What I am learning as a 77-year-old child of God is, PTSD was already grounds for other hurts to affect me. Several health issue that renders me helpless brought a different look at the anxiety that riddles my body at times. I had anxiety attack as a child which left me helpless and in pain. It came from the fear that gripped my heart when I had to come in from playing or from visiting a friend. I tried to stay away from my dad as long as I could.

I write about this because it helps me, in hopes anyone else who has struggles with forgiveness or dealing with hurtful memories will have some comfort that they are not alone. I am getting some therapy to help me deal with the deepness of past hurts. So thankful to the Lord that my therapist is a Christian.

The journey is never over till it is over, till death due us part. Just as I am thankful for my heart and kidney doctors, I am just as thankful for therapists, counselors, couches and all those who want to help those who are struggling. Most of all I am thankful for a God who designed our body, our mind and those He raises up to treat us on our journey. It's a good journey, one that has hope built into it when we know the Lord. I am feeling very hopeful at this stage of the journey.   

Bold as a Lion 

Today I heard one of the best messages on Roman 3:21-26. Our pastor started in Proverbs 28:1 The wicked flee when no one is pursuing, but the righteous are bold as a Lion.

The righteous are us who are believers. Yet often I have not felt bold, and I am 100 percent extrovert too. I realized after I had been saved that I could not depend on my extrovert personality when it came to speaking up for Jesus. Before my salvation the devil was not my enemy, at least I did not know any different. The enemy of my soul, first of all used fear of making a mistake to keep me from witnessing. I begin to pray for discernment and wisdom so I would know when to witness. This is the Holy Spirit role in our new life with Christ.

I am still amazed how easy it is to talk to a stranger or someone you know about anything and everything ,but as soon as the name of Jesus comes out my mouth, the enemy is right there, but so is the Spirit of God. In fact I think the Spirit speaks first and prompts us to speak about Jesus and then fear of offending, or not getting it right hits. Thats the devil, he and he alone speaks fear into our soul. The Holy Spirit never ever speaks fear to a heart bought by the blood of Jesus. He will speak caution, discernment, wisdom and truth, bring scriptures to remembrance.

So how do we get to be bold for Jesus? The very same way we got saved, trusting in Jesus for salvation and the boldness to witness with the same trust. The church I got saved had a Thursday night soul winning night. Two people would go out and visit home, one did the speaking and the other prayed. I had great teachers and I ask them; do you ever get over being nervous? Not really, they said, but the more you do it the fear will leave. Fear is not of the Lord, nervous is just a human emotion that can be used to better equip ourselves for what-ever task He has called us to do.

You might say, like I did for a while, I don't feel the boldness of a Lion. Forget your feelings, turn your heart toward Jesus the one who died for you, not the liar who brings fear and worry. Jesus did it all, life is in Christ. Cast your feelings of fear and thinking you do not know enough to talk to anyone about Jesus. aside and step out for Him.

A couple of lines from this morning sermon which moved my heart.

Make Jesus BIG.

Make me small.

Jesus is our boldness-whatever we lack, He is.