NOW

 

Today I was reading some of my old post and thought if I could go back, I would use the phrase, " where we live "NOW" emphasis on "NOW". It fits much better than just writing or saying, "where we live".

I do believe there are some who have not kept up with us who still think we are serving in Bolivia, South America, or in Papua New Guinea. 

"NOW", we reside in northern Minnesota, next door to our daughter and family.  It's the place I would never want to live because of the winters, but circumstances change all the time.  And we are grateful for the little place they fixed up for us, it's cozy and warm in these long cold winters.  We are also grateful for the great relationship we have with our daughter and her husband.  

• “Don’t get caught up in thinking about the past or the future—live in the now!”
• “Be present in your own life.”
• “All you have is this moment. Don’t let it slip away.”
• “Life becomes more meaningful when you realize the simple fact that you’ll never get the same moment twice.”
• “Life is available only in the present moment. If you abandon the present moment you cannot live the moments of your daily life deeply.”

 

I like all those quotes above, but I find more power to live in the present from a Bible verse that I am sure most of you know.  I have been quoting it a lot lately because I found myself stuck in thinking about the past.  This verse is an action verse, because thinking is mental action, and I choose what I think on every day.  It requires me to on purpose change my thinking on my now.  

Philippians 4:8-9 ESV 

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

Are you living in your past, future or present?  

Therapy

 

Signs of one's childhood trauma can continue to manifest well into adulthood.

Kids create an internal map of how the world is based on the trauma they experience.

But if the map never changes, it affects adult functioning.

When children try to change themselves to be loved by a parent, they lose touch with who they really are.

For me, the desire to be rid of the emotions that came from growing up in an abusive home was always there. So, I took things into my own hands, marrying at 17 and that got me out of the abuse in the home.

I had buried deep what went on in our home, never talked about it even with my best friend, even the man I married at first. Later as I begin to open up, I came to realize because he came from a dysfunctional home he could not help me. So, for years I just kept quiet about my thoughts and struggles, until our marriage was struggling. This caused me to be a seeker of help through books and at 30 I bought a bible and started reading it. Without the Holy Spirit living in me I did not understand much. One thing though that was clear, I was a sinner in need of a Savior.

It took four, almost five years and the birth of our daughter, and some faithful people from a church inviting us to church before I heard the gospel plain enough to respond to it.

Being a new creature in Christ is mind blowing. Most of what I could not understand became clear, the sky was bluer, the sun was brighter, and I wanted to follow this Jesus I had put my trust in. And He wanted me to grow and that would mean hardship at times, memories that hard to recall, but Jesus was long suffering and grew me slowly into understanding fully what His forgiveness of my sins meant in a practical sense. Here is the kicker, those hurtful memories will never go away. Someone ask me one time after I gave my testimony. How long did it take to really forgive your dad? I replied, every time I thought about Him. In all my childhood I had one good memory of him.

Forgiveness is something you have to continue to do every time the hurt comes to mind, especially if it stick around to wreak your present-day life. Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future. Lewis B. Smedes

What I am learning as a 77-year-old child of God is, PTSD was already grounds for other hurts to affect me. Several health issue that renders me helpless brought a different look at the anxiety that riddles my body at times. I had anxiety attack as a child which left me helpless and in pain. It came from the fear that gripped my heart when I had to come in from playing or from visiting a friend. I tried to stay away from my dad as long as I could.

I write about this because it helps me, in hopes anyone else who has struggles with forgiveness or dealing with hurtful memories will have some comfort that they are not alone. I am getting some therapy to help me deal with the deepness of past hurts. So thankful to the Lord that my therapist is a Christian.

The journey is never over till it is over, till death due us part. Just as I am thankful for my heart and kidney doctors, I am just as thankful for therapists, counselors, couches and all those who want to help those who are struggling. Most of all I am thankful for a God who designed our body, our mind and those He raises up to treat us on our journey. It's a good journey, one that has hope built into it when we know the Lord. I am feeling very hopeful at this stage of the journey.   

Bold as a Lion 

Today I heard one of the best messages on Roman 3:21-26. Our pastor started in Proverbs 28:1 The wicked flee when no one is pursuing, but the righteous are bold as a Lion.

The righteous are us who are believers. Yet often I have not felt bold, and I am 100 percent extrovert too. I realized after I had been saved that I could not depend on my extrovert personality when it came to speaking up for Jesus. Before my salvation the devil was not my enemy, at least I did not know any different. The enemy of my soul, first of all used fear of making a mistake to keep me from witnessing. I begin to pray for discernment and wisdom so I would know when to witness. This is the Holy Spirit role in our new life with Christ.

I am still amazed how easy it is to talk to a stranger or someone you know about anything and everything ,but as soon as the name of Jesus comes out my mouth, the enemy is right there, but so is the Spirit of God. In fact I think the Spirit speaks first and prompts us to speak about Jesus and then fear of offending, or not getting it right hits. Thats the devil, he and he alone speaks fear into our soul. The Holy Spirit never ever speaks fear to a heart bought by the blood of Jesus. He will speak caution, discernment, wisdom and truth, bring scriptures to remembrance.

So how do we get to be bold for Jesus? The very same way we got saved, trusting in Jesus for salvation and the boldness to witness with the same trust. The church I got saved had a Thursday night soul winning night. Two people would go out and visit home, one did the speaking and the other prayed. I had great teachers and I ask them; do you ever get over being nervous? Not really, they said, but the more you do it the fear will leave. Fear is not of the Lord, nervous is just a human emotion that can be used to better equip ourselves for what-ever task He has called us to do.

You might say, like I did for a while, I don't feel the boldness of a Lion. Forget your feelings, turn your heart toward Jesus the one who died for you, not the liar who brings fear and worry. Jesus did it all, life is in Christ. Cast your feelings of fear and thinking you do not know enough to talk to anyone about Jesus. aside and step out for Him.

A couple of lines from this morning sermon which moved my heart.

Make Jesus BIG.

Make me small.

Jesus is our boldness-whatever we lack, He is.

Two days ago, I received my new spiral bible with tons of blank spaces for notes. In fact, the advertisement is: if you are note taker this bible is for you.  So, I started in the book of Revelation which I have wanted to study through myself and maybe even teach it. In fact, one of the ladies ask me to teach it but I declined since I do have a little fear of that book. Not what is written in it but a fear I will get a part of it wrong due to a lack of understanding. My heart would be to teach it so that anyone can understand it, me first. I have read through it years ago and never did it again. But, I have listened to lots of teaching on it. It is not a light read and takes comparing scriptures to scriptures to get the full scope of it.

So, as I was studying, I came across this in Rev. 22:18_19I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this scroll: If anyone adds anything to them, God will add to that person the plagues described in this scroll. And if anyone takes words away from this scroll of prophecy, God will take away from that person any share in the tree of life and in the Holy City, which are described in this scroll. (Rev. 22:18-19).

Thank God I am covered in the blood of Jesus and cannot lose my salvation. I will see that tree of life in the Holy City.

Thankfully, there was this promise of being blessed for even trying to read it.

Blessed is the one who reads aloud the words of this prophecy, and blessed are those who hear it and take to heart what is written in it, because the time is near. Rev. 1:3

Even though Revelation takes more studying than any other book of the Bible, I think, I am thankful that God loved us enough to let us know what is coming, to for warn us so we would not faint when the prophecy unfolds before us.

The biggest reason I want to study it again and maybe teach it is so I can have a firm grasp on future events. Never before has so many wanted to know the future, it's a scary world out there. I am open to any advice from you who follow me. Blessings.

I LOVE MY NEW SPIRAL STUDY BIBLE...IT WAS WORTH THE COST OF IT.

Past and Present

 I try to write my post on Saturday or Sunday and post Monday, and I usually write what is going on in the present and how it affects me. But once in a while I like to reach back and write from the past. The past definitely affects my present. its part of who I am as a child of God.

Growing up I just figured I would marry and live in my hometown or close by for the rest of my life. I didn't think past the present of getting out of the abusive home I grew up in. At 17 I quit school and got a full-time job washing dishes in a restaurant, real glamor. Several months later I married the guy I fell in love with. He worked in the oil field on a rig but that begin to close down. An uncle of mine got him a job in a warehouse near St. Louis, and the travel started, our world got bigger. We didn't bring much maturity into our marriage except we both knew how to work. But that is another story.

Little did I know from that point on living in my hometown for the rest of my life was not going to happen. Up until I got saved, we had lived in 3 different states already, all following his job. Fast forward to hearing a missionary speak in our home church in Kentucky where our world became bigger. God was going to show us just how big His world is and how exciting following Him can be. All the past came with us as we served 7 years in Bolivia, South America as dorm parents at a missionary boarding school. Then came a few years we stepped out of the mission to help our home church. Mission by then was in our blood so we returned to it and was asked to go a different country, Papua New Guinea. Everything we had learned so far was going to be used even more so. Remember, He waste nothing. What we were at that stage of life was defined by both, past and present still.

We were learning the truth that our past does not have to destroy us; it can be a catalyst to not make the same mistakes and be open to learning God's way of looking at the past and present and the future. The past always lives with us in the recess of our memory. I can unpack my past if it helps someone in the present. The wounds from the past are now scars and no longer hurt to touch on if needed. But the scars are part of who I am, a woman of God with scars. Salvation did not wipe out my past and through the years I have notice again, God waste nothing. It's joy to sit with a woman and have her thank me for sharing my wisdom gained from a past mistake and how God delights in using despite those mistakes. He is the only one without mistakes which is the strongest truth I can share with anyone.

Sometimes something will happen that throws me back into a bad memory and without even trying I react from it. When it does, I remind myself of everything I just wrote about. Those wounds do not own me, they have been paid for by the blood of Jesus shed on the cross. And that is where I lay them, at the foot of the cross.

How are you doing with your past and present?  

God has always given me a group of wise hearted women to hang around with. This group of women all know how to work as a team getting thing done for the glory of God. Cleaning together and seeing the end result of team work is perfect for developing relationships.

There is a small camp outside of Blackduck, Minnesota that has served as a place to help kids grow in their walk with God. I have personally seen the results of this camp through our youngest grand daughters who attend it in the summer. And this summer she is old enough to be a camp counselor to the younger girls, plus work a week in the kitchen, and also be one of the campers in her age group. She has remained friends with the girls who were in her cabin last year. Relationship that developed around God can continue to encourage way past the camp week. God can begin to grow wise hearted young women in their teens through camps, church and input from older wise hearted women.

Some of the women from our church met out at this camp yesterday to get a cabin ready for campers. Within two hours it was done, and we all felt better for it. Working for a common goal helps us to be flexible and willing to be involved again. There were no problems yesterday as each woman took on a task. I ironed fresh washed curtains outside on the porch while a few took up brooms and knocked down cobwebs on the outside. Several worked inside cleaning windows and knocking down cobwebs, making beds, hanging curtains, sweeping and mopping floors. We left feeling a job well done and then went to lunch together.

Together is a great word and when you see a group of any age of women working on a project together without problems it a testimony of a shared common goal. They were not cleaning to gain glory for themselves or promote their way of doing things. These are wise hearted women, from the age of 15 to 77, willing to give of themselves for God work. I feel privileged to be a part of them.

Friends

 Friends

I could not wait to meet up with these two while on our trip.  Especially that blond pretty women who was my best friend and still is.  She is such a huge part of my past, the good part.  

Ace and I transferred from Las Vegas to Louisville with his job of ramp service man for TWA. We had left St. Louis where he hired in for Vegas.  So three place we lived in due to his job, each one holds memories.  It was not hard to move really because we did not have children then. Louisville was my favorite place we lived.   In each of those place I had friends, but not a best friend.  

We bought our first house after the birth of our first child that it took us 12 years to have.  That house sit in a neighborhood that buses from an aggressive Baptist church came into to pick children up for church. The little girl who lived next door rode that bus and she wanted our Tara to ride it too.  Four years after our daughter we had a son and God was knocking at our door through this church.  We thought it might be good for our kids to be in church, but we were not putting them on a church bus, not after all the years it took to get them.  

That women lived in that neighborhood too and we were both on a path that would meet at church.   Finally, we went to this church, my husband rededicated his life our first Sunday.  We went back the next week and I got saved.  We grew fast due to living for the world so long, we knew what didn't work.  With the Holy Spirit living in us both we stepped out in faith and became involved.  Ace begin to drive a bus and before long he was one of the ones who went into neighborhoods and invited people to come to church.  I took a children Sunday School class. 

The church had a small Christian school which our kids went too, and that sweet blond lady put her daughter in that school, and we became great friends.  We carpooled to school, hit the thrift stores together, great recipe for developing a friendship.   She had been a Christian longer than me, so I learned a lot from her.  She helped me navigate my walk with God and made it fun.  The man in the picture is her second husband, her first one died and was I was there to help her through that.  Later she met this strong Christian man whose wife had died, and my husband married them. God has kept us close even through the years we lived overseas.  When we meet up with them again, it's like we were never apart. They make us laugh, challenge our walk with God and have been supportive of our journey.  

I hope anyone who read this has a friend they could write about.  I don't think I thought friends could be that important to me until we left Louisville to move to Bolivia, South America.  I would cry because I missed my best friend so much, lay in bed at night and laugh over some of the best memories. 

Blessings 

Home

 

The first week of April my husband and I took off from home for a much-needed trip. Plans had been made and changed until we felt like we had the best itinerary that fit us.

We took it slow, about 400 miles a day was added to our SUV. Hotels were booked ahead of time making it easier. To save a little money we brought our cooler filled with lunch meat and chicken salad I made along with bread, crackers, cheese and of course snacks with some fruit too and drinks.

Texas was our first choice because of the lunar eclipse which we got to enjoy with our son and family. A whole week with our three grandchildren watching them in their sport activities and our youngest, Reedley, age 8 get baptized was just the best. After a week we reloaded our SUV and we headed to our next stop, Kentucky. Lord willing, we will see our son and family again at Christmas of 2024.

But, before I go on to the next stop, I have to back up and tell you about more blessings. Hearing from our son of how God moved in his heart to give up social media to have more time for family. I got to go with my daughter in law to a bible study and meet ladies who were pouring into her life. Hearing all the grandchildren tell of how God was growing them. Icing on the holy cake of family.

Next stop was outside of Louisville, Ky. Both of our kids were born in Ky., and it was our jumping off place to enter into overseas missions. So many memories, so many friends and a week was just not enough time to see them all. The few we did connect with was GREAT, and yes, I meant to capitalize the word. It had been years since we laughed so hard as memories kept flooding us as we set with dear friends. At a couple of our supporting churches and our home church we got to show a great video of a Bible dedication in a remote village in Papua New Guinea. There is nothing we like to do better than talking about what God doing all over the world.

That week passed too fast also, and we headed to southern Illinois to visit our family, the place we grew up in. My husband sister always has a room for us with lots of space to relax and she is a great cook too. We met up with brothers, cousins, nephew and nieces and more supporters. Another week of laughter, tears and so many memories to remember.

All good things come to an end, but we were actually more ready than we knew to get home. Our 77-year-old bodies was showing the effects of almost 4 thousand miles under our belt.

Our last visit was Mayo Clinic in Rodchester, Mn. We had made appointments with our doctors to get a couple things checked out. It was my six months checkup after having stints put into my arteries into my kidneys. I had been feeling so good since then I would have been shocked if they found more blockage. Thank God, all was working well. My husband was having some man things checked and it all was fine. Finally, we were on the last leg of our trip, six hours later we were home. Our daughter and mother-in-law cleaned our place, it smelled and looked wonderful. Another blessing there was no snow on the ground and none in the forecast. It was raining and a little chilly but when we left a month ago the grass was not green, now it is and there are buds on the trees which means leaves are on their way.

I know I have probably lost you on this long post, but I knew I had to pen it down before life moves on. With every place, with every person we were reminded of God's faithfulness through our life. So many have already gone home, and the day is getting closer with each minute for us to join them in the heavenly home. While still on earth we will talk about our Savior Jesus. We are blessed with great family and friends and the greatest God. Blessings. 

Our goal when we planned the trip to tell those who have prayed and supported us for years thank you.  You who read  my posts and comment encouraging words are also a part of those who we would like to  thank.  

Even If

I love the message in the song, Even If, by Mercy Me. It came on this morning as my husband was surfing on YouTube because it's a favorite, so it crops up a lot. And when it does, I have to play it and sing along in my shaky, not so good anymore voice. (The last bout with Covid destroyed my voice).

When a writer of a song such as Even If puts music to the words, music that rises and falls with the emotions and passion of the song, listeners can only stop and think about their own life. I play this song often to start our lady's bible study to help us stop thinking in their perspective and start thinking of God's perspective. Every time it stops what conversation was going on and all us ladies soak in the message of the song.

At first, I was going to post the song, but the words alone are enough to draw us closer to our Lord. They are enough to set our minds on Him and not ourselves. They are enough to plough our hearts soft and make them ready for the Holy Spirit to works in us through our study.

The enemy of our soul does not want us to focus on God alone. He would rather we let our thoughts run to worry, or anger or any negative thought about our life. There can be fear of what others think if we focus on God all the time. One thing I have learned is His thoughts will drive out the worry and anger, etc. Read the words below of the song, write them out and put them before you. Let your eyes and ear be open to Him as you focus on Him no matter what is happening in your life. You can't stop life from throwing some pretty heavy blows, but He understands that He took all the blows of all the sins of the world on Him. It's still Easter today and tomorrow and forever.

Verse 1]
They say sometimes you win some
Sometimes you lose some
And right now
Right now I'm losing bad
I've stood on this stage
Night after night
Reminding the broken it'll be alright
But right now
Oh, right now, I just can't

[Pre-Chorus]
It's easy to sing
When there's nothing to bring me down
But what will I say
When I'm held to the flame
Like I am right now?

[Chorus]
I know You're able
And I know You can
Save through the fire
With Your mighty hand
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone

My Choice

 

For the latest Bible study I lead, I chose the book by Dane Orthund titled, Gently and Lowly.

Christian knows what Jesus has done, but who is he? What is his deepest heart for his people, weary and faltering on their journey toward heaven? Jesus said he is, "gentle and lowly in his heart." This book reflects on these words, opening up a neglected yet central truth about who he is for sinners and sufferers today. (This is from the jacket of the book)

There are 9-10 ladies who meet every Thursday at my house to learn to be more like Christ. We have gone through several books of the bible and several books that are designed to help us grow in our understanding of God and His ways. Since its all women who attend the study, its always geared toward being a wise hearted women of God.

So, what can a group of women in their 60 to 80 have to learn about the Lord. All of us are asking God what do you want us to do at our age. Prayer is the first thing that comes up and we have a couple of women who are hard core prayer warriors. Because we have lived a long time does not mean we do not have trials and struggles. The one thing we all have is more time to study and reflect on the things of God. Time to pray more, time to come along the younger women in our lives. And as we are learning from this study time to go deeper in our knowledge and understanding of who Jesus is.

All of the ladies come to the study with years of experience of walking through life. We understand pain, we understand struggles, most could say, been there done that about whatever we talk about. All of us have felt the guilt when we fail, blamed ourselves way too much. All have felt alone many times, especially at our age when we suffer. As heaven gets closer, we cling to our hope of being there when we leave this earth. I tell them this every week, God is not done with us yet, we are not useless just because we are older. This old world needs us to bury ourselves deep into the love of God so we can help our family and friends and maybe a stranger we meet know there is hope. Just because our world is a mess does not mean Jesus is a mess. He is the most solid thing in we ladies life.

It's been my joy as I lead this study and hear how it is affecting each of the ladies. I try to be sensitive to each one because a couple do not say much but I see them write thing down as we go through the book. I have always led a Bible study where ever we have lived. The last move was to northern Mn. where are daughter and family lives. I looked for a Bible study to attend, no one was having one so I stepped out in faith and ask our pastor if he minded if I started a study in my home. Knowing only a few women from our church I did not know if any would come, my husband and I are pretty new to the congregation. About 10 of us gather every week and not just from our church, word of mouth works.

A couple of quotes from the book:

Our sinfulness runs so deep that a tepid measure of gentleness from Jesus would not be enough; but as deep sinfulness runs, ever deeper runs His gentleness.

When we sin, we are encouraged to bring our mess to Jesus because He will know how to receive us. He doesn't handle us roughly. He doesn't scowl and scold. He doesn't lash out, the way many of our parents did. And all this restraint on His part is not because He has a diluted view of our sinfulness. He knows our sinfulness far more deeply than we do. Indeed, we are aware of just the tip of the iceberg of our depravity, even in our most searching moments of self-knowledge. His restraints simply flow from His tender heart for His people.

A quote on this book from another of my favorite authors, Paul David Tripp, "On the rough, rocky, and often dark path between the already and not yet, there is nothing your weary heart need more than to know the beauty of the heart of Jesus. It is the beauty that alone has the power to over-whelm all the ugly you will encounter along the way. I have read no book that more carefully, thoroughly, and tenderly displays Christ heart that what Dane Orthund has written. As if I was listening to a great symphony, I was moved in different ways in different passage, but left each feeling hugely blessed to know that what was being described was the heart of my Savior, my Lord, my Friend and my Redeemer. I can't think of anyone in the family of God who wouldn't be greatly helped by spending time seeing the heart of Jesus through the eyes of such a gifted guide as Orthund.