One Good Memory

Father's Day is here again and so many are posting wonderful memories about their Dad's on facebook and writing blogs about them.  I always go back to this post I wrote several years ago.  

Everyone has a Dad but not all of them were good ones.  My Dad did not have a good Dad and he followed after his Dad.  So few good memories are in my memory bank about him. 

I married a man who is a wonderful Dad and our son is a wonderful Dad and our daughter married a good Dad.  I don't live in regret over my childhood anymore, God has taught me to let Him use it, don't waste it by being angry, bitter over the fact I did not have a good Dad.  I am grateful for all God has taught me through my struggles to forgive.  Besides, I have the best Dad of all in our Heavenly Father.  

Hazel over at   http//letmetelluastory.blogspot.com  gave  a challenge to write stories from ones past.  Stories that can be left to our children and grandchildren.

For some, that may not be a challenge but for me, it's extremely difficult.   There are some great stories on her blog site.  Some will make you laugh, shed tears,  and some are life-changing but all are usually good memories that are shared.  Every time I read those post my heart wishes I could come up with one good memory about my Dad from my childhood to share.  Then one day as I watch my son comb his three year old daughter hair a flashback happened, one I had not had in a long time.  A good flashback...it was my dad combing my hair when I was about my granddaughter age.  Through the years it's the one flashback that does not cause me to tremble.  

A flashback, or involuntary recurrent memory, is a psychological phenomenon in which an individual has a sudden, usually powerful, re-experiencing of a past experience or elements of a past experience. These experiences can be happy, sad, exciting, or any other emotion one can consider.

Wikepidia encyclopedia.....

By the time I was two my mother had given birth to twin boys, 19 months younger then me so maybe Dad noticed her hand was pretty full that night.   Maybe he was sober that night. Maybe he was trying to make up for some of the abuse he inflicted on us.  These details were not answered in my flashback.  All my mind recalled is him combing my hair and I was not crying so he must have been gentle.    I am amazed how one good memory can rise above all the bad ones.  It would be so easy to dwell on the hurting ones and allow nothing good to come through but that helps no one including me.  

When my two children became teenagers they started asking me about my upbringing.  I wanted to lie...to evade the questions anything but gives words to memories.   They only knew my Dad as the broken man we took care of three years at the end of his life.  They did not know him as I did and because of Jesus living in my life, I somehow wanted to protect them from even knowing how bad things had been for me as a child.  God never wastes anything though and He gently shoved me through opened doors to share how the love of God can win the most wicked heart.  You see my Dad got saved the night before he died. (another post...I Got What I Wanted)


The love of God can turn anger and bitterness into understanding and forgiveness.  These were the things I wanted my children to learn.  These are the things I want my grandchildren to learn.  They will get hurt along the way, some may even betray their trust.  My prayer is that some of my stories, even the hurtful ones can be used to give them an understanding into the wickedness of our hearts.  "All have sinned and come short of the glory of God."  Understanding that says, "there but by the grace of God go I".    I could paint a horrible picture of my Dad and they would feel sorry for me but that is not what God wants.  I am a better person because of my understanding and the act of forgiveness.  No one owns me except the one who bought and shed His blood for my sin...to Him I owe everything.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self-control to
be understanding and forgiving.     Dale Carnegie

“The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present....  Barbara De Angelis

God said to Solomon in  a dream, "ask what you want Me to give you."  Solomon after looking back
at his and his father life said, "give Your servant an understanding heart to judge Your people, to discern between good and evil...give me wisdom. 

This dialogue in I Kings 3  between God and Solomon made a profound impact on my life as a young Christian of 35.  The more I studied it  a deep desire grew for the same thing, an understanding wise heart.    Life is a few days of trouble a wise man once said and those troubles will rule ones life unless there isan understanding of who God is, who man is, what sin is, and most important the power of redemption.    

I know there are more good memories tucked back in my memory  bank and with God's help, I am praying for more to emerge.  But for now, I will dwell on a little red headed three year old girl getting her hair brushed by her daddy.  Sweet memory.

 Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise , dwell on these things. Phil 4:8

This post is linked to Tell Me A Story
"http://www.linkytools.com/thumbnail_linky_include.aspx?id=155502" 

Constitpated

I heard that word in association to having a dry spell in writing. We are in a transition and the writing flow has completely shut down on me. But I am still reading a lot of your blogs and being encouraged and know as soon as this time of our life gets a little more organized things will start to move in my mind.

Keep us in your prayers as we make decisions on an old cabin we are redoing. We are starting from scratch as far as house hold goods. We did finally get all the things for a bathroom, commode, shower, sink. Next comes the bedroom, then kitchen, the living room. It’s hard to decide exactly what to get. At 73 we have set up house in two foreign countries and several states so we should be good at this but this will be our last time. This will be our forever home here on earth so it makes a difference knowing that.

Just wanted to drop in and say hello, I have not stopped blogging, just taking a little break. Sorry for the crappy word I used to describe this blog but it fit so well when I heard it. Blessings

Cause and Effects

Stirred Nest

Think with me for a moment.  Do you live a life of blessings or complaint? It is so easy to grumble. It is so easy to find fault.  It is so easy to be discontent.  It is so easy to find things that are less than you want them to be.  It is so easy to be irritated and impatient. It is so easy to groan and moan about the difficulties of life.  It is so easy to be dissatisfied. 

At street level, it is tempting to live a God-forgetful me-istic existence. If you put yourself in the center of your world, you will find plenty of things to complain about.   Paul Tripp

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Moving or huge change brings out of me all the things the quote talks about.  I know I am not alone in this,  I don't like my nest being messed with. 

For the past 41/2 years our nest has been sharing a house with our son and family.  We had our own living room, bedroom, bathroom, only shared a kitchen. It was a great set up and having the grandkids around was special, loud but special. They bought a small house that at this time will not accomadate us living with them.  So with much prayer we believe its time for us to move to Minnesota where our daughters lives. There is a cabin on their property which they want to fix up for us to live in, a permanent place when we need it.   We will live in our rv for the summer as they get it ready.   We can continue our ministry in any region of the country.

This process has been going on for over a month and in that month I have had a couple of meltdowns that shows my wanting to have things my way. I tell you , God is so gracious to me.  Despite my bad attitudes at times He has brought blessing after blessing into this stirring of the nest. 

A few days after we helped move our son stuff, Ace woke about 2 am one morning struggling with his heart.  It got bad enough he called the ambulance and they took him off to nearest hospital thinking he could be having a heart attack.  They left me at home alone to wait this out.   He already has one bypass, five stints and a difibulator in him  to help his damaged heart.  After a angiogram and several other test, they rules out another heart attack, no more new blockage.  The doctor adjusted his difibulator and put him on a stronger med for the racing of his heart and told him to go live.    HUGE PRAISE

We were in the middle of looking for  newer vehicle too since our old Buick, 2005, 2 hundred thousand miles was going to cost more then it was worth to fix for travel. 

Because of a huge gift toward another vehicle we purchase a 2017 Toyota Highlander SUV, capable of pulling a lightweight RV for our ministry.   HUGE PRAISE. 

Because our kids are worried about their Dad driving  to Mn. God has provided someone to go with us and help with the driving.   PRAISE THE LORD.  

  I think the buying the SUV was the most nerve racking.  We have not bought a car from a dealer since the 70's or been in debt for one since then.  My husband  likes for me to go with him to look,  but after looking for days and a number of truck then SUV's I was not a happy wife.  My,  just get it done now,  personality wanted to quit looking after the third one.  Thank God Ace loves to look and as a result he found a great vehicle, good price with very low mileage.  

  

Today is the day we start loading the Uhaul Box...it's about 93 degrees outside.  

Ok, lets get to the nitty gritty.  We see God all over this move, all over the heart issue, all over the car issue, all over not enough help, all over it all.  Yet...even with Him all over it, we have had our tense moments.  It frustrating and humbling to have so much good happening in such stressful time and I so want to act grateful and humble.  To get bent out of shape over some "stuff" not going to fit in the Uhaul box sounds so petty in light of all we have been blessed with.  And on top of that, we have moved over 30 times, wouldn't you think we would have it nailed down and all would be easy as butter?  Since I started this blog we have moved five times, this will be the 6th.  

Here is the bottom line...WE ALL ARE STILL DYING TO SELF.   And it is painful to be made aware of the frailities in our charecter.  That the ME-ISTIC is alive and well in me.  Here is the best part, God still loves me and so does my family and Ace and I are not getting a divorce.  

We will get moved and soon I will be writing most of my blogs from Minnesota or on the road.  I would like to end this post with another quote from Paul Tripp.  It's my prayer for this quote to be active in my life. 

If you have quit being defensive and are now willingly and humbly approachable, you know that transforming grace has visited you.  Paul Tripp

Eternal Sight

Going through some notebooks where I write quotes or thoughts down and this one screamed, post me, post me. I know the,"WHY" this resonates in my life so much because I have had to forgive much but not as much as Jesus had to forgive me. To be owned in my mind by past hurts, to make them present hurts is to be controlled by those hurts is a prescription for anger and depression. It's not worth my health, my mind, my body, family and friends and my whole life to let it fester in me. I have always counsel others and myself that if you wake up with a thought, go to bed with the same thought and it's killing the in-between, you need to get some help to get over it.  I think the below quote is the best prescription for this.  Wise Hearted. 

There comes a time when you need to make what Jesus did for you, bigger than what someone did to you. E.J. Lanham

What say you?

Exhaust Man

I know Easter is right around the corner and here I am writing about truck exhaust. If you’ll stay with me on this, there is an Easter story in my post.

The smell hit me before I seen where it was coming from. Memories washed over me and for a instant I was back in my teen years, riding the country roads of southern Illinois. When I looked up, there it sit, an old white Chevrolet truck, rusted all over, paint missing in quite a few place. You could tell it had seen its better days. It was running with no one in it, as if the person only meant to run into Walmart for just one thing and knew if he turned it off it might not start again. Besides who would steal something so beat up and smelling so bad.

But, it was the smell that got me! Not just because it was a truck because I have smelled it on old cars too. You know, gasoline, exhaust from too loud mufflers, a dark gray smoke puffing from it’s behind. Shuddering at times like it was going to quit running but never did. It needed a tune up job for sure and I am betting the man who drove it knew, but why spend money on something that still runs? I would also bet it was a man who drove it, not a women, it smelled like a man’s truck, maybe a work truck.

When I was a teen I had a few of those kind of trucks or car pull up in front of my house full of friends to pick me up. You could hear them coming a half mile away. The friends that I had did not drive new trucks or new cars. It was young men who worked at gas stations, drove a tractor, baled hay, and some worked in the oil field, like my boyfriend who became my husband. Most of them could work on their own cars and trucks too, a dirty job but saved money and taught them to fix things.

I know this sounds crazy but I love that smell of gasoline, and the sound of a loud muffler. Here”s the thing, I don’t remember thinking back then it was cool, it was just a fact of life. But that smell reminds me of men, men who knew how to take a car tool and change a tire, fix a carbonator, or change a muffler, or put a louder one on. Men who knew how to work, who would work two jobs if that’s what it took to get a car, even an old one that needed some work. The people I ran with never thought about asking their parents to buy them a car or truck.

My oldest Grandson is one of those men. He has always known his folks could not buy him any kind of car. So, he worked hard all through his junior and senior years of high school and saved his money for one. His Grandpa started looking for something that an 18 year old man would like. A truck would be nice but then Ace found this black older jeep that you could take the top off and runs those country dirt roads if you wanted to.

As soon as he graduated from high school he got a job for a company that paved parking lots. Dirty hot work but it paid pretty good and there was tons of over time. It was nothing for him to work 16 hours seven days a week. First thing he did to his jeep was put the loudest radio speakers and mufflers that you can hear a mile away. All the girls wanted to ride in it and all the boys wanted to drive it.

Right now he is in his first year of University of North Dakota and his job is not only dirty , but a cold one, snow removal. We are all thankful he is not afraid to work and strives to pay his own way. He does not mind that his jeep needs a paint job, drink gas faster then one can drink a cold coke, it’s his, paid for by sweat and dirt and a little help from his Grandpa.

Are you wondering where I am going with this since I told you the Easter story was in the exhaust?  When Jesus came to earth as a baby, through the body of a women, took on humanity He took on exhaust. If He had come during this time span I don’t think he would have drove a new truck or car, I mean a donkey was his mode of travel but mostly His feet took Him everywhere He went. I guess what I want to say is, I love the humanity in our Savior. It causes my heart to swell with love for Him. Makes me want to do everything He ask of me. He worked all His life, learned a skill as a carpenter, sit underneath the teaching of the Word, He was a man’s man. He was not high and mighty and prideful like the priest with their fine clothing and jewelry.

For those that stood near when He carried the cross up Calvary they knew He was in pain and torment, yet He took it like a man, a flesh and blood man, He fell under the weight of the cross so the human part of Him did not have superman strength. He was exhausted, beat to the bone, and the part I love the best of this story is, He did it for us.

Ace and Jack

This picture was taken about four weeks ago before we knew how dangerous this latest virus was going to be. We were leaving on a ministry trip to northern California to visit some missionaries. Driving back to southern Ca. we had no idea how life was going to change for us. Right off the bat we were told to stay away from large groups of people, then medium groups, then even small groups. Unless it was a matter of life or death, just stay home, no grocery shopping, no movie going, no church going, no going, period, be safe, stay sequestered.

Ace and I have been sequestered before. Once in S.A. when the Shinning Path rebels crossed the border from Peru and rumored to be hiding out in the mountains near where we lived. Thank God they were never found so that passed. Several times we were not able to travel due to unrest in the country.

In another country a village next to us was being burned out by what they call rascals, or as we say in the states, a bunch of hoodlums. Now that was a scary time too, we were told to stay in our houses, to not go out, or get involved, that was a hard one. That one passed quickly and no one was killed.

I thought about the many earthquakes we’ve experienced. One big one hit Ind. which was suppose to cause a tsunami that would even hit us. Everyone at the support center went to the highest place on the property and we sequestered ourselves in that house. There was a small going out of the tide and even smaller wave coming in. A lady from the nearby village wanted to stay with us since we had a ham radio to call out on and get news. Again, no one was killed in our area.

I could fill this page up with story after story but I think you get the idea. We get being sequestered and how it can save our lives. The USA is a first world country and yet we’re being impacted by a virus that is very dangerous and taking lives.

Ace and I have stayed busy touching base by phone, text, emails, and even sending a letter or two. Watched a lot of TV, news, learning new stuff from YouTube. Ace is helping me switch to WordPress. As of today I am going to start back working on my book. It’s easy to get so lazy when one is house bound most of the time. Since we share a house with out son and family, the three grandchildren keep things from getting boring.

Ace has gotten a new friend who lives next door in a care house. Jack is 96 years old and twice a day Ace takes him coffee and he listens to Jack stories. Honestly if we were not sequestered to our house and yard he would not have got to know Jack so well. We were suppose to be gone the last week of March and all of April on a ministry trip which now is cancelled.

This relationship between Ace and Jack has been good for both of them. Ace feels useful visiting Jack daily. He has no family except a nephew who does not live close and we share a house with our son and family so we are surrounded by family daily. Jack is alone except for his care givers who are too busy to just sit and listen to Jack. They are practicing the six foot rule when visiting, no handshaking, no hugs. Sometimes Ace comes home from his visit with Jack in tears because Jack was in tears as he tells story after story about his life. He is a book just waiting to be written. Ace ask him what did he contributed his long life too. Eating dark chocolate, put lemon in his orange juice and eat honey instead of sugar.

‘

This sequestered time will be known as the “Ace and Jack” time. just as Shinning Path will remind us of S.A., a village burning will remind us of another time. It’s the stories in our life, especially the hard times that God sends to teach us there is never a time He does not want to use us.

What stories has come your way during this trial of a new virus that is killing some, and sending shockwaves all over the world? Will you look back on it as an opportunity to help someone, learn a deeper trust? It’s in these times of troubles God calls us to stand firm in our faith and don’t waste our trials.

Dropping Out and Then Back In Process

Do you ever feel like dropping out of everything and just doing nothing, no cleaning, cooking, going anywhere, talking to anyone, no going to church, bible study, shopping, eating out, meeting with a friend, ETC? 

I don't get that way often, thank God, but actually it's gotten more often in the last few years.  A few days ago I talked to a friend about some of my feelings, she suggest seeing  a doctor which I thought was good advice.

Today I walked into my doctor office determined to be so honest and raw since I always say I am fine when ask.  Which is so dumb cause who goes to the doctor when they are fine?

Since I have come this far I need to put a middle to this so you won't start wondering what terrible thing has happened to Betty.  I do have some family that have some serious illnesses.  I do have friends who are struggling with illness, heartaches over children, marriage issues.  In fact, as I think about it, most folks I know have something going on in their life that could make them feel like, 'dropping out."  And by "dropping out", I don't mean doing any harm to myself but just not being bothered by life.  But I don't often feel this way. So when I do, I know it's time for some deep soul searching. 

If I could put one  word to where I am right now, it would be aging.  I hate even spelling the word...but I hate worst what it means to me or has done to me personally.  Woe is me, the victim of aging.  I hate that look I get from the doctor right before she says, things change as you age, she is 40 years younger than me.  Or that look my husband gives me when I cannot for the life of me remember something or fell again, or don't move as fast as I use to.  It's that, nursing home look or tone which he coined because its the reason we no longer serve overseas.  At that time it was him everyone was using that tone with.  Now it's me...I hate it.  I hate aging.  I know we are not suppose to use the word "hate" but dislike does not match my feelings right now.  Maybe by the end of this post I can get back to that kinder word.

Just gonna throw this next paragraph in to give more understanding to my context of this post.  

THIS IS NOT ABOUT DYING.  "YES, I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING JESUS FACE TO FACE, YES, I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING FAMILY AND FRIENDS, YES, I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO NO MORE SIN.  LET ME SAY IT AGAIN, THIS IS NOT ABOUT DYING, IT'S ABOUT LIVING WITH LIMITATIONS".

In Philippians 1:6 Paul say, I  am confident of this  very thing, that He, who begun a good work in you, (me ) will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.  I find a lot of feeling wrapped up in this verse.  When I was younger, say about 8 years ago I felt excitement at starting new stuff, doing old stuff, just plan doing anything the Lord wanted.  And 8 years ago I could pretty much do anything or at least felt like I could. I have lost that excitement about change I know the Lord is bringing into our lives which is brought about by "aging".  

Today I read part of a sermon on Phil. 1:6 which stirred my depressed heart.  

God always finishes what He starts.   We, on the other hand, do not always finish what we start.  Our lives are often filled with loose ends—home improvement tasks begun but not finished, books begun but not finished, promises made but not kept, intentions begun but not followed through on.  Our lives are often replete with would-have-beens, should-have-beens, and could-have-beens.

God’s work of salvation does not depend on whether or not you hold onto your faith; it depends on the fact that even if you can’t hold onto your faith, He never stops holding onto you.  That’s why Paul wrote to the Thessalonians: “May the God of peace himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be kept sound and blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do this” (I Thessalonians 5:23

I turn to music often when I am struggling.  Today I found the song that fit the Lord's heart in me.  And nobody can sing it like Mahalia Jackson. 

Lord don't move the mountain
But give me strength to climb
Lord don't move my stumbling block
But lead me around

You didn't say, Lord, that it would be easy
For when our tribulations get too light
We tend to stray from Thee
Have mercy

Lord don't move the mountain
But give me strength to climb
Lord don't move my stumbling block
But lead me around

After listening to this about 10 times I can say without a doubt I don't hate aging, I do dislike it, but no hate.  This day is almost over and I am one day closer to seeing the one who is finishing His work in me on a daily bases.

Got a mountain you want moved? 

Just wait, the best is yet to come.

For the last five years we have been making trips to Arizona because it's one of the states we cover as Member Care Reps for Ethnos 360 Mission, formerly New Tribes Missions.  Several times I contacted this blog brother, Floyd to see if we could connect.  Either he was gone or we had too many meetings or for what ever reason it did not work.  The Lord would always whisper, just wait.  

When you want something really bad it's so hard to wait for it.   And ever since we moved back to the states from Papua New Guinea I have wanted to meet up with  some of those folks whose blogs I follow. Just to say to them face to face, thank you.  Thank you for the wise words you wrote that pulled me out of a struggle, or gave me courage to continue to write, or deepened my walk with the Lord.  Honestly, after reading their blogs, those who are real about life and me sharing my life you feel like you have known them for years.

The waiting finally came to an end this past January as we made our way to Phoenix, Arizona where my brother Gary lives, he kindly puts us up and we just use his place as a base to travel out of.   

This time we had about four planned visits but actually was able to connect with several more after we got there. Our main goal is to meet up with missionaries on home assignment from many countries.  Just to see how they are doing, listen to their stories, see if we can help them in any way.  No agenda really, just to be an encouragement, to Member Care them as our mission calls it, to say thank you for being a part of reaching the unreached. 

This blog friend, Floyd, who I had never met  was able to come apart from his busy life for lunch.  He is a contractor of several companies and we had a lunch time free and there we were finally, meeting face to face.  Ace was with me which was a huge blessing to me for I wanted them to meet.  I sense so many times in Floyd writings he was a man after my husband heart.  Ace does not write a blog but I read many of Floyd's to him.  It was like meeting someone we known all our lives.  So much in common, especially our love for our family.  Our conversation was easy, it flowed into one thing after another, and the common ground was Jesus and His love for us despite all our failures. I felt no separation as one was better than the other , we stood on the same ground at the cross and on the other side of the cross. 

All too soon we had to part, Floyd to work, us to our next meeting.  I think we were all three glowing from being together because of the fourth one who had joined us, Jesus.  Meeting Floyd, has deepen my goal to reach out to others I blog with when I am close.  Oh I know we will meet in heaven but why not enjoy life here.   As much as I love reading Floyd's post the best was sitting across from him face to face, seeing him smile,  hearing his voice as he talk about his family.  He is not just words on paper now, he is real in my mind and heart and Ace and I are grateful to the Lord to have someone like him praying for us.  Thank you Floyd.  http://theregoi.com/